Couples Counseling

More and more couples are open to participating in couples counseling. They are not simply wanting to save it for rocky times, but to learn different tools they can use to strengthen their relationship in the good times.

At Richardson Christian Counseling, couples therapy can also apply to those who are not yet engaged to be married, so it is different from premarital counseling in several respects. The counselor may use an approach that combines individual and couples therapy depending on what they think is most beneficial.

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The role of a couples counselor

The main role of a counselor is to help the two people sincerely consider solutions that are different to what they know. The conflict resolution techniques that worked with their parents or siblings often come naturally, but they may not transfer well into a new relationship as a couple.

At Richardson Christian Counseling, your counselor will introduce you to solutions that may help you alter your approach and follow through when dealing with relationship challenges. Like water flowing downhill, you instinctively want to take the well-worn path you have come to know as the safest and most useful in various contexts, especially disagreements and conflict situations.

By slowing down the relationship during the sessions a trained counselor can help each person look at the relationship from different angles, including their own role in challenging times. When individuals do not understand how each of them contribute to a joint problem, they are ignoring a personal blind spot that will remain unless it is addressed. A counselor can help you see those spots and work on them for your mutual benefit.

What should I expect from couples counseling?

Couples should expect to do two important things. You should be willing to focus on your thoughts and actions and be willing to focus on your responsibility in the presence of your partner.

If you cannot do both of these then it may be healthier to explore individual counseling. Couples are responsible for nurturing a close relationship that is protected, and as such, each individual needs to take responsibility for the areas where you need other input.

Therapists sometimes find one person is looking to the other to meet every need– intellectual, spiritual, creative, physical and emotional. In situations like these a therapist can facilitate and provide counseling and guidance towards a conclusion that will strengthen the couple relationship.

Being able to see and understand the other’s perspective helps improve the communication between couples. The same goes for understanding the underlying narrative that subconsciously shapes your interactions. These equip both individuals with tools to overcome current and future challenges.

Why do we need to understand how we are each affected by our past?

The attachment theory of parenting and the effects of upbringing are carried over into adult relationships. Attachment theory identifies types of attachment. Research estimates suggest that 50 percent of the population is secure, 20 percent is anxious, 25 percent is avoidant and 5 percent is fearful. Each person has a style of attachment as described here:

A secure attachment style is comfortable being close to others, with fewer insecurities and enjoys expressing and receiving love with ease. They believe in true love, trust easily and are the most successful in romantic relationships.
An anxious attachment style craves love but never quite believes that the other person loves them enough. This is seen by them continually challenging their partner to prove their love or loyalty so much so that they risk being demanding and needy.
An avoidant attachment style never experienced love or security as children. They have learned that you cannot turn to other people for either and are cynical about love. This often results in genuine expressions of love being received with a lack of emotion and dismissed as meaningless.

Knowing your own and your partner’s attachment style is a constructive process that helps both of you see that good relationships are characterised by engaged and emotionally responsive individuals. Couples find that it is helpful to understand that the other is less of a “cause” and more of an “effect” of their upbringing. This helps inspire empathy in both of you, which is a cornerstone of healthy communication and relationships.

The counselors at Richardson Christian Counseling are trained to focus on the behind-the-scenes causes of behavior rather than how it has manifested in the past. In this way they are not caught up in specific stories, but rather look at the overall storyline. Counseling sessions are guided towards resolution, rather than a continuation of a boxing match.

What topics are covered in couples counseling?

There are a multitude of topics to be covered in couples therapy in Richardson, Texas, and the challenges that each couple identify can be worked through with the counselor’s help. Some of the topics are life transitions, how to process trauma, mutual trust, relationship security, and topics that often start fights. Communication, anger, infidelity and money are discussed briefly:

Communication

Effective, honest communication is essential to your relationship success. With this both individuals will be less likely to experience other common relationship problems. You and your partner may feel like you cannot let your guard down for a single conversation, or perhaps have forgotten how key conversations are to sharing joy and happiness. Counseling can assist you both to look at where your conversations are breaking down, remind you that neither are mind-readers, help you to be open and honest with your feelings, become good listeners, and practice in thinking before you respond.

Arguments

Expressing yourself in a healthy manner is important, but words laced with spite are unhelpful to both of you. Counseling in Richardson, Texas will equip you with tools to argue so that you can engage in conversations without attacking each other. Your counselor can explain to you why its important to breathe before you respond, why profanity fails, the effects of name-calling and how to stay on-point. This means that you will more easily be able to dissolve issues before they build up through peaceful and thoughtful conversations that build one another and your relationship up.

Infidelity

Be it a physical or emotional betrayal, infidelity during a dating relationship is a very significant event. The hurt and raw emotion of the process is significant and may prove to block working towards a healthy resolution. As these events do not happen in isolation or often even spontaneously, if you are committed to staying together, you both will be required to work together to solve any underlying problems.

Money

Arguments about money and finances are normal, especially in a marriage relationship where how each spends money impacts the other person. But do not be fooled and think that during dating your partner’s spending has little relevance to your future, especially if you plan a joint future. Research shows that in the U.S.. more than half of all marriages start off with a burden of debt.

Why behave now in a manner that will bring future stress into a possible marriage relationship? A healthy, mutual understanding of finances is key to the success of any serious relationship. Irresponsible financial habits break up relationships at every stage of commitment. Each person owes it to themselves and their loved one to have a balanced, mature approach to their finances.

Is couples counseling worth it?

A common expected outcome of dating is a continually deepening relationship. Deciding to marry are signs of this as the relationship matures. A lifelong, loving relationship with a special person has few comparisons. To improve the quality of your dating relationship at this early stage,so that you can set the right course upfront is a very useful approach.

Learning how to establish healthy habits in how you think, speak with and nurture a loving relationship with each other is vitally important. Searching for and finding help for your relationship is always better done sooner as this prevents so many future problems from even arising.

Counseling in Richardson, Texas is useful throughout life and circumstances. That is why premarital counseling as well as marriage counseling are so popular.

How do I contact a couples counselor?

Please browse our online counselor directory or contact our office at Richardson Christian Counseling in Texas to schedule an appointment. We would be honored to walk with you toward a place of healing and hope.