Practical Advice on How to Manage Anger

If you are an angry person or know of someone who is angry most of the time, this article contains practical advice from an experienced professional therapist on how to manage anger that may help.

To start and establish a baseline of understanding it is important to know that no person is born angry. We all have a range of temperaments and varying levels of tolerance.

An angry response may seem to come more naturally to some people who seem to show from an early age that they have thinner skin and that they find that the provocations of life push them into red-eyed anger very easily. Others appear born with a more balanced temperament and find it easier to hold an even keel in the same situations.

However, as anger is understood to be an emotional response, the degree of response is often seen as something that is learned. The good news here is that you can unlearn destructive behavior and relearn to act constructively in the same circumstances. No matter how thin your skin is. This is possible by us putting in the work it takes to displace unhealthy habits with good ones.

Our relationship with anger was mostly taught to us through observing our family environment. If we grew up in a home that viewed anger as something to be neither seen nor heard, but rather that we could express anxiety, moodiness, or depressive symptoms then often we used behavior linked to these conditions to express our anger.

However, the opposite is equally unhealthy. Some family cultures encourage the idea that anger needs to be expressed so that it does not fester. Studies demonstrate that losing your temper is like adding fuel to the fire and your anger increases, along with your level of aggression. Neither of these is helpful and often acts as a barrier to coming to a real solution with the person who is the target of your anger.

Not being taught or learning how to constructively manage anger leaves one without a valuable life skill, so you need to closely understand what causes a red mist to settle across your vision and ensure that these triggers are fitted with safety catches that stop the anger from being fueled before it starts being provoked.

Three strategies for managing anger

Relaxation

There is a large variety of tools to help anyone stay calm in various situations. And it is recommended that you do some reading on these so that you can learn the techniques, practice them, and then implement them when required. If your spouse also makes unhelpful choices in anger management then it would be beneficial for both of you to upskill yourselves, and by so doing keep the emergency exit unblocked for any intense anger emotions to dissipate through.

Try these steps:

• Take deep slow breaths. As you slowly breathe in and out, picture the air coming up from under your tummy and going back down there. Be sure to breathe from your diaphragm.
• Know a calm word or phrase that you can repeat slowly repeatedly while you slowly breathe in and out.
• As you do these two things picture a vivid and relaxing experience. It can be from your memory, imagination, or a picture that you have seen. The more detail the better.
• Daily non-intensive physical exercises such as yoga, tai chi, or similar movements will likely relax your muscles and help you to feel calmer.

Remember that you will not break a bad habit by thinking about how you will overcome it. It needs to be displaced by a better one of your own choosing. Practice these steps every day and then slowly start to introduce them during tense situations. You will find that after a while it becomes a habit to use them as a tool to effectively manage anger.

Change your patterns of thought.

Teaching yourself not to think in a particular way will take some practice. But the result will be worth it. If you are a person that begins to shout and swear when angry, these actions are often accompanied by an exaggerated thought life.

Instead of thinking that the world is going to end, that this always happens, that everything has been destroyed, nothing will ever be the same; rather, say to yourself that the events are frustrating and that being upset about them is very understandable. However, the sky has not fallen, and becoming furious is not going to fix the problem.

When you use absolute terms like everything, nothing, always, and forever when referring to yourself or another person it is a sign to be careful. The terms are not only often untrue, but they introduce the idea that an elevated level of anger and justified and if it billows out into rage then that is okay too.

Throwing terms like them at the people you need to help you work toward a solution is completely detrimental to that process. Remember that becoming angry is not going to fix anything, that you have no need to get that angry, and that being angry does not make you feel any better. Rather it makes you feel worse.

As you may have witnessed parents of young toddlers about to have a tantrum, if they can squeeze in some questions and get the child to start answering them, the logic part of their brain displaces the anger. And it is the same with adult brains. Logic trumps anger because even on the occasions when anger is justified it can quickly become irrational.

So, turn logic into the glass of ice water that you can splash in your face to wake yourself when rage is imminent. Turn the tables on the always, forever, and never statements, showing you understand that there are rough parts of life, and you will weather this particular emotional storm and come out the other side with self-control and supporting a balanced perspective.

Being treated fairly, appreciated, agreed with, and having people willing to follow your direction are things we all want. However, when we are angry we demand these things and become hurt and disappointed when our desires are not realized. This disappointment becomes anger.

When we become aware of our demanding nature and ensure that our expectations are vocalized as desires rather than orders when we are not successful in achieving what we want, the normal reactions of frustration, hurt, and disappointment will follow, but anger will not grow from them.

Facing our injured feelings is sometimes more uncomfortable than managing our anger, but it allows us to deal with the hurt. Previously our angry response may have been one way to avoid these hurt feelings.

Focus on the problem, not the solution

Have you heard the idea that says for every problem there is a solution? Sometimes our anger is sparked by inescapable problems in our lives, and it is a healthy natural response to the problem. However instead of focusing on providing a total solution, being able to face the complex problem and manage it is often more constructive.

The steps to get to this point entail planning, checking your progress, and determination to give it your best, but not in a way that punishes you if do not find an immediate answer. Look to approach the problem directly with sincere intentions and you will be less likely to lose your patience and retreat into all-or-nothing thinking (even if the problem persists).

Christian Counseling to Help Manage Anger

If you’re looking for additional help to teach how you manage anger beyond this article, or perhaps even if someone you love is unable or unwilling to recognize their anger and the challenges they face, then why not browse our online counselor directory, or contact our office to find out how we can help you. We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.