Reconciling Family Rifts Between Parents and Adult Children

Family rifts are difficult for everyone involved. Estrangement places strain on not only the parent and adult child but also other family members, such as grown siblings. For example, if you and your oldest son are estranged, anger and resentment may trickle down to your other children, in-laws, and grandchildren.

Sometimes, family rifts are unavoidable based on past behavior. Other times, an emotional distance builds as each person lives their life separately until there is no common ground. In these times, we need to seek God’s help and take small steps toward reconciliation.

Reconciling family rifts.

The strength of your family may rest on how you reconcile family rifts.

Make the first move.

Whether you are the parent or the adult child in a family rift, you may need to make the first move toward reconciliation. Opening the lines of communication might be the starting point to breaking the silence. It is time to unblock your loved one from social media and start answering their calls and texts. Take the first step and send a message.

Find something you agree on.

Common ground may be enough to place you back into neutral territory. Perhaps you can agree on an event for a grandchild or offer tickets or pictures of something your loved one cares about. Often, it is uniting over a common issue or topic that brings family back together. Find the one thing that puts you front and center and make the first move.

Keep pride out of the conversation.

It is easy to blame the other person for any family rifts. Yet, pride cannot enter the conversation if you desire a reconciliation. Pride can keep you from admitting your part in the distance. It can also keep you from accepting an apology or moving forward if you do not receive one.

Humbling yourself is not a sign of weakness. It takes great courage to overlook offenses. This is not to say that you are condoning bad behavior. Instead, you are willing to set boundaries and set your pride aside to rebuild the relationship.

Go slow.

Fixing past mistakes, forgiving offenses, and building trust take time and effort. Slowly assess how it is healing as you move forward in the relationship. If you have been estranged for a few years, do not expect your loved one to accept dinner invitations immediately. It may be weeks or months before you are invited to visit them. Take the relationship slowly and maintain your level of effort.

Forgive past offenses and unspoken apologies.

God can fix anything, even the complex and challenging relationship with your parent or adult child. Your job is to find a way to forgive past offenses and move past unspoken apologies. This step will require you to approach God for help in your words, behavior, and reactions.

Ask God to lead you to counsel if you struggle with moving forward. Some offenses are too much and require time to work through. A counselor can help you maintain mental health and boundaries while rebuilding the relationship.

Seek a third party for help.

Family rifts can require a mediator to help you through the complex and often emotional reconciliation process. A Christian counselor can assist you in finding grace and forgiveness and rebuilding trust. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a Christian counselor knowledgeable in family rifts.