A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

Most couples don’t think about divorce when they are planning their wedding. The focus is on creating a memorable moment for one of the most important events of their lives. However, some couples will face the heartache of divorce. Through unexpected events, it becomes evident that divorce is an option. It is important to remember, a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure.

There is no way to have foresight into which marriage will end in divorce. There are no given rules as to how to have a marriage that will stand the test of time. Marriage happens between two people. People are prone to mistakes and bad decisions. Sometimes these lead to causing a marriage to fall apart. This doesn’t always mean the marriage was a failure.

The inevitable question: “What happened?”

When a couple begins to let family and friends know that a divorce is pending, the most common question is “What Happened?” Typically this is followed by the statement “You both seemed so happy.” This is a conversation that most couples do not want to have until after the divorce is final and they have been able to process the situation.

Sometimes the couple doesn’t even understand how the marriage has come to the point of ending. The pressure of having to engage in this conversation is a major factor in how a couple shares the situation. Society has determined that there has to be a specific reason caused by a specific person. However, sometimes identifying these is not easy.

Most common causes of a failed marriage

There are a multitude of reasons for divorce. Most of these reasons evolve from a lack of connection in one way or another. Though the relationship was thought to be a perfect match, the fact is the connection may not have been deep enough.

Life happens to everyone in different ways. Understanding how to cope with life changes and maintain a deep connection in a marriage can be difficult. It takes intentionality to achieve a balance between life changes and marriage.

Here is a list of the most common reasons listed for divorce:

• Lack of trust and respect.
• Lack of love and intimacy.
• Poor communication.
• Financial stresses.
• Growing apart.
• Infidelity.
• Married at a young age.
• Domestic violence.
• Unrealistic expectations.
• Conflicting beliefs about home management.
• Alcohol/drug abuse.

Being healthy mentally and emotionally is just as important as physical health. There are times when marriage can become detrimental to the overall health of each person.

Finding hope after a failed marriage

Even though society has been quick to place a stigma on divorce, it is important to remember that society hasn’t been in the marriage. Societal standing has always been dictated by career, home, cars, achievements of children, and length of marriage. This is not what true success should look like. Happiness is not a gauge that can indicate success. The gauge for success is making godly decisions that will promote thriving.

Here are a few reminders that a failed marriage doesn’t mean you are a failure:

• There is typically not one single cause of divorce by one person. It usually takes two.
• Marriage itself isn’t intrinsically happy or unhappy; it is work.
• The people who know best what your marriage was like are you and your spouse.

Conclusion

A failed marriage doesn’t mean you should be ashamed of divorce. You are not alone in your decision. If you feel that you could use help with navigating divorce, reach out to a Christian counselor at Richardson Christian Counseling in Texas. You do not have to navigate this alone.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV