How to Communicate Boundaries in Friendships

The boundaries in friendships you set will likely differ for every relationship in your life. Take time to consider what boundaries are important and healthy in each friendship. Think about the behaviors and actions that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed and use this information to help guide you as you draw your boundaries.

How to communicate the boundaries to others

After determining where to set healthy boundaries, it’s time to communicate them to the other person in the relationship.

Reinforce their value

A good way to start a conversation about relationship boundaries is to reiterate your positive feelings about your friend. Help them to feel valued and respected. Be specific and sincere in your compliments and your feelings about the relationship.

Communicate clearly

Be honest and direct in your communication. It might be helpful to write your boundaries down before you express them. This will help you organize your thoughts and allow you to communicate clearly.

Be specific

Try to be specific when communicating your boundaries. Don’t use vague language that might be unclear. Instead, give specific statements about what you need.

State what you need

Focus your statements on what you request of your friend, rather than what you don’t like in the relationship. Avoid directly blaming them or pointing out their faults. Instead, focus on what you need.

Remain calm

Your message will be better received if you stay calm. Find a time and place when you can talk calmly with your friend about your boundaries. Do not raise your voice. Keep your body language and facial expression pleasant and friendly.

Don’t apologize or make excuses

Avoid the temptation to make excuses or to apologize for your boundaries. Realize that you have the right to draw healthy and reasonable limits and that doing so will ultimately improve the friendship.

Be willing to follow through

If your boundaries are crossed after communicating them clearly, you need to decide on an appropriate consequence. A logical first step is to politely, but sternly, remind your friend of the boundary. Use a specific example as to how they violated your boundary. It’s best to point out this overstep immediately, when possible.

Decide on a consequence

If a reminder has not stopped the disrespectful behavior, you need to give your friend a consequence. Without any, your friend will likely continue to violate your boundaries. You may have to limit their access to you by not answering a text or ending a conversation by telling them you don’t want to discuss a subject. Be consistent in your consequences.

Talk with a therapist

If you have trouble knowing where to draw your boundaries or need help in how to communicate them, seek the help of a professional therapist. These professionals can give you the tools and guidance you need to draw healthy and safe boundaries in all your relationships.

Help for communicating boundaries in friendships

Learning how to protect yourself and your friendships through healthy and reasonable boundaries will improve your relationships. Establishing guidelines for your relationships will allow your relationships to be more fulfilling and help you grow deeper connections. For further assistance in establishing these guidelines, contact our office today and we will connect you to a therapist who can help.