Anxiety and Perfection: Lessons from Martha in the Bible

One of the truly amazing things about the Bible is its relevance to our lives today. As we read the Word, we confront people dealing with a myriad of struggles – dysfunctional families, infertility, worry, abuse, neglect, and death. Over and over again, the Bible lets us into the inner lives of people who faced the same kinds of things we do, such as anxiety and perfection.

Another incredible thing is our ability to glean more than one lesson from the stories we read. The account of Mary and Martha is well known. Found in Luke 10, these six verses have been preached on, used as the basis of Bible studies, and as the backbone for devotionals for years.

Martha welcomes Jesus into her home.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42, ESV

Martha is often painted as a distracted grumbler. She is so focused on the food and appearances and keeping up with cultural norms she misses the point. She tells Jesus to rebuke her sister publicly (versus doing so herself in private) and sees the censure turned back on her!

And yet, maybe we miss something in Martha’s actions. Maybe we are quick to roll our eyes and write her off as the frantic hostess caught up in making things perfect, that we miss a deeper truth – sweet Martha suffers from anxiety and perfection.

Not just one way with anxiety.

Anxiety can manifest in many ways. It can leave us overly focused on bad things that could happen. Or we might become so paralyzed with fear we break down and cry or cancel plans at the last minute.

Anxiety can keep us from social situations. We can become overly irritable or restless. Our thoughts can race or become intrusive. We might start to sweat. Our hearts can race. We can feel nauseous. We start to tremble.

Martha’s reaction is filled with anxiety. Her house is unexpectedly overwhelmed with Jesus and the myriad of people traveling with him. There are cultural expectations of her – pressure we cannot understand in our time. She is overwhelmed.

The voice in her head is pointing out every mistake, every shortcoming. She is reading into every action of her guests – is the man noticing the dust she had not gotten to? Is that person uncomfortable? Is someone noticing the floors have not been swept? What if she burns the bread or they do not have enough glasses for everyone there?

Instead of taking a moment and collecting herself, Martha directs her anxiety (really her fear) onto her sister. How dare she sit in the living room with the men – a cultural taboo in and of itself – but she is not even helping prep the food or get things ready.

Martha wants to be sitting before Jesus and soaking up the opportunity. She wants to be present and enjoy this remarkable gift. But anxiety pulls us out of the present moment. It makes it impossible to be fully present because all we can see and think about is everything that is not done or what could go wrong or how someone else is perceiving things.

Anxiety robs us of joy. It pulls us into our heads where we always fail, and are never enough. Every mistake or shortcoming is magnified. At the peak of her anxiety attack, Martha was faced with a choice: to deal with her anxiety in a healthy way or to let it overwhelm her and send her into a spiral.

The choice with anxiety.

Some of us turn to less positive ways to control our anxiety. We over-plan. We criticize ourselves or become harsh with those around us. We bite our nails. We over-eat, eat too little, drink too much, or drive aggressively. We shut down and avoid.

Some people compensate for their anxiety by trying to keep things perfect. If we can pull off perfect grades, excel at work, and have seemingly ideal kids. If our home is immaculate, and we show up for everything at church and always help out. If we can seem to have it all together no one will know what a wreck we are inside.

As anyone with anxiety knows, these coping mechanisms do not help. Outwardly we look fine, inside we are a mess. Things keep compounding until we explode like poor Martha. We let out our frustration at the wrong time to the wrong person, resulting in overwhelming guilt and shame which only keeps the cycle going.

But there are healthy ways to address this storm inside us. There are breathing exercises. We can cultivate a meditation practice. We learn to ease our muscles and relax. We find healthy ways of pulling ourselves out of our heads and grounding ourselves in the present moment. We start to identify when we are in a spiral and learn healthy ways to pull ourselves back.

You do not have to figure this out on your own. Counseling is a great place to start. Call us today. We’d love to help you find healthy ways to deal with your anxiety.

Martha controls her anxiety and perfection.

We see Martha again in John 10 after her brother, Lazarus has died. Jesus has made his way to Bethany to see the family. When Martha hears this, she goes to meet him and says, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Initially, this can feel like a harsh rebuke. Martha is in mourning. She is scared. Now she and her sister are left in a male-dominated world with no man to protect or assist them.

If we stop in verse 21, we could believe Martha has not learned anything. Here is another manifestation of Martha’s anxiety – she is blaming Jesus instead of looking at her fear, but the story does not stop there.

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” – John 10: 21-27, ESV

Martha is terrified. She has to be. Her brother is dead. She knows Jesus could have saved him – meaning she has a great deal of faith and the ability to see who Jesus is. Instead of letting her anxiety get the best of her, Martha can see the bigger picture and relate to Jesus in one of the most telling pieces of scripture.

“I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world,” she says. The manifestation of every prophecy and promise. Few people name exactly who Jesus truly is. The disciples themselves never fully got what Martha just articulated.

What Martha teaches us about anxiety and perfection.

Martha was able to take what she knew about Jesus and apply it during a pivotal trial. At the death of her brother, she did not spiral into anxiety but turned her tendency toward perfection into strength and became a bedrock and beacon to others. Martha shows that anxiety does not have to define us. We can learn to control it and even find ways to move on from it.

It takes hard work. It takes discipline. It takes filling our minds and hearts with honest truths when the lies and fears and talk of giving up, not measuring up, and pulling away are screaming. A good counselor can help us find healthy tools to cope with anxiety and perfection. You do not have to do with alone. We are here to help.