The Real Reasons We Often Miss Signs of Autism in Adults

Current statistics show that approximately 2.2% of the American adult population is autistic. That might sound like a low number, but it equates to one in 45 adults. This means that if you work in an office space of over 50 people, there is a statistical chance that at least one person in your work group has autism.

For many people, autism is a vague and hard-to-understand disorder, and even when faced with obvious signs of autism, it is hard to notice. Even the people who live with autism often fail to recognize the signs and get diagnosed late in life.

The signs of autism are not always so easy to recognize, whether as an outsider or someone on the spectrum. Being able to recognize and interpret signs of autism helps you to be compassionate and validating of those on the spectrum, whether they are diagnosed or not.

In many cases, the most effective way of supporting and accommodating autistic people is to adjust your communication style with them. Beyond that, there are things you can consider doing so that the autistic person in your life feels valued, validated, and catered to.

Camouflaged and Unseen

From school-going age, people are collectively prescribed a one-size-fits-all template of behavior to follow. This social code of conduct is not explicitly taught anywhere; it is as if we learn it through osmosis. However, it is as if people with a neurological developmental disorder don’t get the memo on how to act, what to do, and what not to do.

Autistic people are frequently forced to learn the rules of social conduct by getting into trouble at school, getting disciplined at home, or getting bullied by peers. One of the major reasons we miss the signs of autism in people of any age is that they are forced to camouflage themselves to avoid trouble.

For example, an autistic child with sensory sensitivity might feel overwhelmed and aggravated by the harsh overhead lighting of some school classrooms. They might not understand why they feel the way they do, and often, they can’t vocalize their experience.

There is also no appropriate time for them to express themselves regarding an issue like this. After all, in a class of twenty-five, one child silently struggling with the overhead lighting is likely to go unnoticed. They learn to internalize their struggle and adapt to their environment, though bright, harshly lit spaces may always trigger them.

Many autistic people simply don’t understand the unspoken or subtle codes of conduct and communication, but many learn to adapt and disguise their confusion. Masking autism helps them navigate social obligations, but it takes a lot of energy to do so. If given the choice, many autistic people would rather avoid social situations altogether than spend any amount of time masking their symptoms and working overtime to fit in.

Many autistic adults have spent decades of their lives trying to fit in, and at some point, they get tired. It’s not easy navigating a world that can’t see or doesn’t want to accommodate your needs.

Noticing Signs of Autism

Every autistic person is unique, and there is a spectrum of care that each individual requires. Some autistic people have complex needs and require high levels of care, while others struggle but require low levels of care to cope with their autism. Some experiences are universal for people on the spectrum, regardless of where they fall. Signs of autism in adults tend to cluster around three main areas: social interactions, emotional dysregulation, and sensory-related struggles.

Social Exhaustion

If you have ever been in a friend group where everyone is laughing at a joke that you missed or misunderstood, you will have an idea of what it is like to be an autistic person in a crowd of people. Autistic people in social settings often have the feeling of being on the outside looking in; they might feel too dense to understand something simple (although they are confident in their intelligence), and they eventually end up feeling that people are laughing at their expense.

Besides this, autistic people frequently struggle with neurotypical forms of communication. Most autistic people do not comprehend subtle and common forms of communication like sarcasm, exaggeration, or hyperbole. It is deeply unsettling to feel like you have misunderstood something that confuses no one else.

One of the most common signs of autism is often misdiagnosed as social anxiety, because of the high levels of anxiety autistic people have in social settings. Autistic people can struggle with social anxiety, but the social anxiety masks their autism.

Emotional Roller Coasters

Neurotypical people experience emotional dysregulation, but nowhere close to the degree that neurodiverse people do. It often happens that on the outside, an autistic person might be calm and impassive, or slightly tense. On the inside, however, their emotions could be raging and bringing them close to a meltdown.

When an autistic person reaches the point of being utterly overwhelmed, it can catch others off guard. The autistic person can be deeply distressed, but not know how to express themselves or articulate what they are experiencing.

In children, this often exhibits as a temper tantrum where they can voice their discomfort through noise and body language. Adults with autism tend to repress their overwhelming emotions until they simply cannot hold it in anymore. It is hard to read the signs of autism when they are being so effectively repressed.

Sensory Struggles

The autistic brain processes sensory information differently from neurotypical brains. Things like lights, sounds, physical sensations, textures, and smells that others find ordinary are often overwhelmingly intense for autistic people. Many carefully select each article of clothing based on the fabric, avoid certain foods based on smell, taste, or texture, and react negatively to certain indoor spaces without fully knowing why.

The majority of autistic people will tell you that they assumed that everybody felt the same about these sensory struggles. For example, they might think that everyone can hear the buzz of electricity in outlets, or that everyone else gets overwhelmed in shopping centers because of the crowds, music, and bright lighting. One of the reasons we miss the signs of autism is that we can’t identify with what is being expressed, and we attribute it to that person being quirky.

Space for Everyone

As a neurotypical person, you have likely been seeing signs of autism without even realizing it. Consider the following scenarios:

• Your child is not being difficult; they are overstimulated and emotionally dysregulated.
• Your coworker is not standoffish and strange, but they struggle with your brand of sarcastic humor, and they feel uncomfortable communicating with you.
• Your best friend is not being lazy and antisocial, but they are overwhelmed and stuck in executive freeze.
• Your spouse is not The Grinch because he hates the holidays, but the sounds, lights, crowds, and smells are too much for him to process.

This world has only ever been hospitable to one type of person: the neurotypical type. People haven’t previously made space for others or put much effort into trying to understand another person’s experience. Many autistic adults have spent the best part of their lives suppressing their emotions and masking their symptoms, all so that they can blend in and be accepted.

Consider how you might have missed the signs of autism in the people you have interacted with, and what you would do to accommodate and serve someone with needs different from your own.

Living with autism can be a lonely experience when you’re not receiving support. Although there is a community of people with autism, many people do not know how to get connected. A good place to start is by getting counseling. We can pair you with a counselor who understands the unique experience of being autistic. Please consult the online catalog of counselors or speak with the reception team if you are interested in connecting with a counselor.