What to Do When You Feel Stuck in Grief

Grief can be overwhelming, sometimes causing us to experience a plethora of conflicting thoughts and feelings. Many people get “stuck” in grief, meaning that they shut down and don’t know what to do next. Feeling helpless, clueless, or exhausted is a natural part of grief, and it is okay to remain in this state for a while. However, many people experience a build-up of anxiety that comes from knowing they should get out of this state but not knowing how.

Being Caught Unaware

We are not taught how to navigate grief. Our culture regards death, sickness, and suffering in clinical ways. However, we all face death at some point, either directly when we lose someone close to us or indirectly when we support a friend through grief. It’s not uncommon to feel unprepared and shocked over death, even when we have anticipated it.

Everyone has a unique experience with grief. What one person goes through will not be the same as another, even within families and friend groups. Certain thoughts and feelings can be alarming and can cause us to question our mental health or character. For example, we may feel both sadness and anger at our lost loved one. We might not even feel anything at all for a long while until something triggers our emotions unexpectedly.

There is no correct way to grieve, and this is one of the reasons why grief is so complex. We can feel unhinged in grief, and we might genuinely be emotionally unstable for a while. Grief forces us to confront all of the things that we would rather avoid. That can be draining on every level.

Getting Stuck in Grief

Our nervous system serves us by performing many complex tasks that we are often unaware of. For example, we become sleepy at night because our nervous system sends a signal to our brain to release melatonin, a hormone that helps us wind down and sleep. It continues its tasks as we sleep, ensuring that we are kept warm and comfortable.

Our nervous system also helps us manage our thoughts and emotions. When it detects that we are in possible danger, it prepares us for a few possibilities: to face the threat head-on, to run from the threat, or to freeze until the danger passes. When people get “stuck” in grief, it is often because they are simply exhausted. Their nervous system is trying to help them face the situation by freezing. This is sometimes known as a “functional freeze.”

Functional Freezing

Like a cell phone shutting down because it has become too hot to operate properly, when our nervous system enacts a functional freeze on our body, it is trying to protect our core components from getting fried. This might happen at any point in our life when we are stressed out, but it commonly happens in grief.

Besides the thoughts and emotions that people face in grief, there are practical things everyone must go through after the death of a loved one. From outstanding medical expenses to organizing a funeral, there is always paperwork to deal with in grief. Challenges come from all angles, not allowing us to grieve until we sort out all the administrative tasks. It’s little wonder that our bodies help us rest, putting us into functional freeze until we cool down.

How To Cope with Functional Freeze in Grief

Unfortunately, we don’t get to dictate how our nervous system works or when. Some work, both practical and emotional, needs to be done in grief, and the process might demand more of us than we feel we can give. There might be days when we simply want to sleep the morning away, but instead, we have to pretend at least to be okay.

We must be gracious with ourselves. Grief is demanding. There is only so much we can do. We must accept help where it is offered and try not to do everything. While grieving, we must not neglect our physical health. Where possible, we must try to pay attention to our emotions, however complicated they are.

Christian Grief Counseling in Richardson, Texas

Grief does not pass; it simply changes. If you are struggling with any aspect of the grieving process, including feeling stuck in grief, consider talking with a Christian counselor in Richardson, Texas. Your counselor can provide not only professional, compassionate insight but also a fresh perspective on your issues.

If you are interested in meeting with a grief therapist in Richardson, contact our office today at Texas Christian Counseling, Richardson. We will arrange an appointment for you with one of the faith-based therapists in our office.