Advice for Teens and Parents: How to Make the Most of Your Counseling Experience

When it comes to counseling, I have often found that families are not sure of what to expect. I’ve heard from teens,

“Are you going to tell my parents what we talk about?”
“What do we talk about?”
“Is it just going to be the two of us meeting?”

On the other hand, what I’ve heard from parents is,

“Will I need to be at every session?”
“Are you going to let me know what you discuss with them?”
“How often will we have sessions?”

These are all understandable concerns, and I see where both teens and their parents are coming from. For those new to counseling, it can feel confusing, intimidating, and even nerve-wracking, especially for teens.

Teens might worry they’re in trouble or feel like they’ve done something wrong, while parents may struggle with feelings of guilt or uncertainty about how to support their child. That’s why I believe it’s important to set clear expectations from the start, so both teens and parents can make the most of their counseling journey.

The First Session

The first session, often called an intake appointment, is the initial meeting between the parent, teen, and counselor. Each counselor may handle this session a bit differently, but here’s what you can generally expect from how I conduct mine. Both parents are welcome to attend with their teen, though only one parent or legal guardian is required to be present.

At the start of the session, I’ll go over the informed consent form, which outlines important details such as my qualifications, scheduling and cancellation policies, payment information, and confidentiality.

During the first session, I always discuss the importance of confidentiality in the counseling space. Confidentiality is the ethical and legal duty of a counselor to protect a client’s private information and not share what is discussed in sessions without the client’s consent. This creates a space for clients to feel comfortable sharing details about their lives that might be difficult for them to discuss with their family or friends.

When discussing confidentiality, I tell parents and teens, “What we talk about here is private – it’s just between you and me. That means I won’t go telling your parents, teachers, or friends what you say. However, there are three exceptions to this rule when I would need to let your parents, or the authorities know. First, if I’m worried about your safety, like if you’re thinking about hurting yourself or someone else, and second, if someone is hurting you.”

As mentioned above, there are instances where I would need to break confidentiality and let parents know about what was discussed in session. This is if a teen is having trouble keeping themselves safe (imminent harm) or is in danger of hurting someone else.

Additionally, if I suspect the abuse of anyone under the age of eighteen or above the age of sixty-five, I also have to inform the proper authorities (such as Child Protective Services or the police. In these instances, I let the teen know that I will have to “break” confidentiality to keep them as safe as possible.

After we’ve reviewed the paperwork and discussed the limits of confidentiality, I allow parents and teens to ask any questions they might have about the counseling process. The remainder of the initial session is used to review any pertinent psychiatric, medical, or social history, which could include any medical or psychiatric conditions, medicines the teen is taking, past therapy experiences, or any information the family thinks would be helpful for the counselor to know.

Finally, I like to meet individually with the teen for 10-15 minutes to address any concerns they have and build rapport. At the end of the session, I like to regroup with everyone and discuss how often sessions will be going forward, whether that is once a week or every other week. From that point on, sessions will just be between me and the teen, unless a family or parent session is needed.

How can teens get the most out of the counseling experience?

When I ask teens why they’re coming to counseling, I often hear, “because my parents are making me.” Naturally, these teens may not be looking forward to counseling, which is completely understandable. This might be the first time they’ve ever been to see a counselor and are unsure of what to expect. I always make it a point to emphasize that counseling can be a private space just for them, somewhere they can talk openly about what’s going on in their lives.

I also explain to teens that I’m not there to be another teammate, friend, parent, or teacher. I am here as their counselor. They don’t need to interact with me outside of our sessions – in fact, I usually discourage communication outside of sessions unless it’s about scheduling or in case of an emergency, which is typically handled by their parents.

This fifty-minute session is entirely theirs. Once teens understand that it’s often a lightbulb moment, it helps shift counseling from feeling like just another obligation to something that’s truly their own.

In these sessions, I ask a lot of questions about emotions, thoughts, and past experiences. This is so I can have a better understanding of who they are and in what ways I might be able to help. However, I want my teens to have ownership over the session, which means if there is something they want to talk about in session (e.g., a recent break-up or test at school), we can talk about it.

There will be times when I mention topics that are more difficult to talk about, and I encourage them to remain open to the process and keep showing up to sessions. I’ve had clients who were incredibly resistant to coming to therapy, but after a few sessions began to look forward to coming because they feel better having talked to someone.

How can parents get the most out of the counseling experience?

There are many reasons why parents seek counseling for their teens. Their teen could be struggling with depression, anxiety, or having trouble with peers at school, or family conflict. I believe most parents genuinely want their teen to feel better and hope that counseling can provide a space for their teen to feel better. Ideally, their teen can make relatively fast progress and wouldn’t have to be in counseling for an extended period.

In my experience, I’ve had parents who think that as a counselor, I can “fix” their teen in a few sessions. Progress can take months or even years, depending on the severity of the teen’s symptoms. Meaningful change takes time and consistency. It might take months for parents to see progress in their teen’s mood, so parents need to be patient and trust the process.

Many parents expect updates or full transparency about what’s discussed in therapy. However, to protect the teen’s privacy, I only share brief general updates about their progress, unless there is a safety concern, which I let parents know as soon as I learn. I do not share everything I discuss with parents because it can undermine the teen’s sense of autonomy and make the therapy feel less like “their space.”

Finally, for parents, I would encourage parents to check in and see how their teen is feeling after sessions. This gives your teen space to share about the session if they would like. However, if they do not want to share, do not force them to share; instead, listen to music or a podcast together or discuss upcoming weekend plans.

How Family Sessions Can Help Parents and Teens Get the Most Out of The Counseling Experience

There are times when families might want to meet together with the counselor. Parents, teens, or the counselor can recommend a family session. Family sessions are helpful if there is an issue in the family system that needs to be addressed, such as boundaries or conflict management.

Family sessions are not a time for parents to air every grievance they have about their child. Instead, these sessions should be focused on problem-solving and improving the relationships between parents and children.

Counseling can be a growing experience for both teens and their parents. If you have a teen who is interested in seeing a counselor, please feel free to reach out to our office at (496) 333-6163 to schedule a risk-free session for more information.