Relationship Issues

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

Healthy friendships are an integral part of our lives. They help us learn and provide support when we need it. But an unhealthy friendship can exacerbate stress, weaken our sense of self, and contribute to low confidence. When we discover that a friend is gaslighting, it indicates that he or she has unhealthy behavior patterns. What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse where one person attempts to exert control over the other person. This control is usually at the expense of causing the other person to doubt himself or herself. It also can, over time, make the victim struggle to know what is real and what is not. This form of manipulation exists in marriages, romantic relationships, and workplaces, but it can be trickier to identify in a friendship. People tend to assume their friends want what is best for them. Yet if a friend is already unhealthy or grew up in an emotionally abusive family, he may not even realize he is manipulative. You need to recognize the gaslighting signs within a friend context; you’ll want to know how to spot the signs, what to do about them, and how to make changes to your friendships in the future. Common Signs Some gaslighting signs are easier to see than others. For example, if a friend tells you that another friend said something negative about you or painted you in a light that’s outside that other friend’s character, pay attention. Your friend who told you that may be gaslighting you. Why? If she can get you to believe that your other friend isn’t honest or does not think rightly about you, you may pull away emotionally from the other friend and draw nearer to your friend who is gaslighting you. It’s a subtle technique [...]