Kate Motaung, Richardson Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:15+00:00April 11th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People do not just function as purely rational beings; we are also deeply emotional, and that is just the way that God made us. Our emotions alert us to what is going on inside of us, and they can direct our actions in significant ways. For instance, deep anger at an injustice can drive you to agitate for change. Similarly, deep affection for someone may move you to care for them in ways you would not with a stranger. All of us have a deep need to feel seen and heard. When we find ourselves being unappreciated or overlooked by others, that can cause frustration as well as feelings of low self-worth. To rectify this, one might look elsewhere for the validation and sense of being appreciated that they seek. This is one of many varied reasons why people engage in emotional infidelity. Defining emotional infidelity One way of defining emotional infidelity is that it is when a person in a committed romantic relationship forms a deep level of connection with another person. This connection approximates or has the same level of emotional intimacy as a romantic relationship. It may even exceed the depth and quality of the connection to the primary committed relationship. An emotional affair is a non-sexual relationship in which two people share their emotions, thoughts, aspirations, and support with each other in ways that cross a line. When an emotional affair happens, the third party often becomes the one that is approached to share problems, secrets, and dreams with. These are all things that are typically shared in a committed relationship, but the emotional affair often displaces the legitimate partner. Some signs of emotional infidelity The line, between just friends and something more, can be a tricky one to discern. Some purely platonic relationships are [...]

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5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:24+00:00November 9th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Life as a teen is incredibly busy and full. Between home life, school, work, friendships, and sports, teens can feel like they are being pulled in a thousand directions. As a teen, it is common to struggle with fitting in things you know are important, but more so, it is important to remember to pray. This is especially true when it comes to prayer. Whether you grew up praying or prayer is new to you, it is normal that you want to find a way to make your relationship with God something that feels comfortable and natural for you. This may mean it looks different than the way your parents or friends do things. As you explore and discover how you want to connect with God, consider how often you talk to Him. Is it something that comes easily? Do you have regular prayer time or conversation with God? Do you struggle to fit prayer into your life? No matter how you answer those questions, you can always learn new ways to connect with God. The best thing to do is to make it simple. Try new things and see how they feel. If you want to incorporate prayer into your life more, here are some things you can try. Set a reminder. You can set a reminder on your phone or watch to pray at a certain time every day. Sometimes things just get busy, and people forget to pray. Setting a reminder can help you remember to check in and talk to God. Pair it with something. You can connect prayer with something you already do. For example, you can pray every time you brush your teeth. Brushing your teeth is the trigger that reminds you to pray. Since you already do this, it is more likely [...]

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Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:38+00:00August 28th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Words are powerful. When we rehearse them, we experience them forming reality as what we speak comes into being. It may not be surprising, as we are created in God’s image. He made us able to imitate Him and experience the authority of impacting our world with our words. If He spoke and saw, then we must consider the weight of what we speak, realizing that it will also impact what we see and experience and our emotional health as a result. Our brains are responsive. They will capture the messages we program and give us an output that aligns with whatever we continue to say. We tend to focus on the glaring negative messages over the positives. God factored this into the makeup of our brains. This is why He has advocated for us to savor His Word in all of our days, for the entirety of our lives (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). For this reason, we have to be intentional about disconnecting from the negative messages and the havoc they wreak on our mental and emotional health. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. – Deuteronomy 6:6-7, ESV The Brain and Belief Negative words and limiting beliefs will chip at our souls, leaving a void that influences our perception of ourselves, others, and sometimes even God. The words we meditate on infiltrate every area of our lives. They can either pull us down or elevate us into all that God has planned for us that we don’t yet realize. Our enemy is counting on us to remain downtrodden [...]

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Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:48+00:00August 10th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

When life is busy fun tends to get pushed down to the bottom of the list. This is even truer when you are going through a hard time or struggling. People push fun aside to deal with whatever situation they are facing, to handle hard emotions, to get things done, or even because it seems frivolous. But fun is an important part of your wellness, and it’s easier than you think. “When people are having actual fun, they report feeling focused and present, free from anxiety and self-criticism. They laugh and feel connected, both to other people and to their authentic selves.” – Catherine Price During seasons of busyness or challenge, it would be helpful to feel this way. Imagine whatever you are facing right now and how you feel. Now imagine it: Feeling focused and present. With less anxiety. Void of self-criticism. With laughter. Feeling connected to others. Feeling connected to your true self. Doesn’t that sound like the way you want to feel, especially in a hard or busy time of your life? You may not feel like you have time or space for fun in your life, but there are simple ways you can incorporate more fun to help you feel better. It won’t necessarily fix the problem you face or change everything about how you feel. But it can help. Here are some easy ways to incorporate more fun into your life (even when it feels impossible): Create something. You don’t have to be an artist to create. As people made in God’s image, you have innate creativity within you. That may be artistic or it may be in another way. Just consider things you can do that are creative. Think about different outlets, different ideas, and different ways you can create. Some ideas are: [...]

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How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Marriage: Signs and Symptoms

How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Marriage: Signs and Symptoms

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:08+00:00May 5th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are key to our well-being and flourishing. When our relationships are going great, our lives feel full, bursting with vitality, and it’s quite likely that we can face challenges with confidence. However, if things aren’t going so well in our relationships, it can affect everything else in our lives. This is especially true of a toxic marriage. If you have a tiff with your spouse at home in the morning, that can distract you all day while you’re at work, affecting your focus and productivity. But if your support structure is thriving, you can face and tackle even tough situations with gusto. We are, at our core, relational creatures. As bearers of God’s image, love and relationship are key to who we are (Genesis 1: 26-27; 1 John 4:16). In a marriage, you are at your most vulnerable; your spouse is the person who knows you through and through. They’ve seen you in your moments of exultation and triumph, but they’ve also seen you at your lowest moments of failure and shame. They’ve seen you naked – in all senses of that word – and their voice carries weight in ways that other peoples don’t. It’s no wonder then that Mike Mason, author of The Mystery Of Marriage, wrote that “there is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one.” (Mason) The shape of a healthy marriage. When a marriage is good, it buoys you up in ways no other relationship can. A healthy marriage has several features that set it apart including: You are seen and heard. The world is a cacophonous jumble, and our voices often get lost in the swirl of competing voices that also desire attention. We often find ourselves trying to [...]

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5 Tips for Successful Aging

5 Tips for Successful Aging

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:20+00:00April 28th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

When we’re in our twenties, life seems long and we feel invincible. As we start to approach middle age, the realization starts to dawn that we are no longer on the right side of youth – our skin starts to sag and wrinkles appear seemingly out of nowhere. How did it happen so quickly, we might ask? What is the secret to successful aging? As Christians, we know that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30a) and that it is our inner appearance that counts before God, but it can take some time to truly accept the fact that no amount of money or effort can win back our younger selves. We need to preach to ourselves the truth of Paul to Timothy, that “godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8, NIV) Our focus should be on something deeper: “inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV This does not mean we should not look after our bodies well, but that we need to truly embrace what it means to age gracefully. Here are five tips for successful aging: Get the basics of successful aging right. We all know what we need to do to be healthy – get the right nutrition for our bodies, and exercise regularly. While we might have been able to coast through our earlier years without paying heed to this advice, successful aging depends on getting these core lifestyle pillars in place. The good news is that it’s never too late to start. Begin by incorporating small healthy habits into your lifestyle. Try less sugar in your tea, or a walk around the block daily, for instance, and then work on growing these successes. Challenge yourself. The people [...]

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Anxiety and Perfection: Lessons from Martha in the Bible

Anxiety and Perfection: Lessons from Martha in the Bible

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:31+00:00January 19th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

One of the truly amazing things about the Bible is its relevance to our lives today. As we read the Word, we confront people dealing with a myriad of struggles – dysfunctional families, infertility, worry, abuse, neglect, and death. Over and over again, the Bible lets us into the inner lives of people who faced the same kinds of things we do, such as anxiety and perfection. Another incredible thing is our ability to glean more than one lesson from the stories we read. The account of Mary and Martha is well known. Found in Luke 10, these six verses have been preached on, used as the basis of Bible studies, and as the backbone for devotionals for years. Martha welcomes Jesus into her home. Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42, ESV Martha is often painted as a distracted grumbler. She is so focused on the food and appearances and keeping up with cultural norms she misses the point. She tells Jesus to rebuke her sister publicly (versus doing so herself in private) and sees the censure turned back on her! And yet, maybe we miss something in Martha’s actions. Maybe we are quick [...]

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Individual Counseling: Finding Joy Again

Individual Counseling: Finding Joy Again

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:41+00:00December 1st, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Sometimes life hands you a bucket (or an entire tree) of sour lemons, and you are desperate to find joy again. Times When Individual Counseling Might Help Consider these examples where individual counseling might be appropriate: You don’t get into the college of your dreams and feel like you are suddenly wandering in the wilderness, unsure of where to go next. The person you think you are in love with and want to marry dumps you out of the blue. You find out a parent or best friend is terminally ill. You find out that one of your closest friends has been spreading rumors about you for years. You are in a season of medical testing, infertility, or recently felt the heartbreak of a miscarriage. You are in a season of “new” that is proving to be much more difficult than anticipated. You have a new marriage, new baby, or new job, and did not realize how depleting and emotionally rocky this new season would be. You are blindsided at work and find out that your position is being terminated. You are in a season of disappointment in the friendship department. Maybe you don’t feel like you have close friends, or you have recently been left out by your close-knit circle and don’t know how to move forward. You feel like you just can’t catch up on bills, no matter how hard you work. You feel distant with God right now. Maybe you aren’t sure how to praise Him in the storms of life. You feel overwhelmed with emotions because one of your children just received a devastating diagnosis. You feel like a failure because one of your children is dealing with anger and rage like you do. You might feel like your life has become a nonstop cycle [...]

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The Unexpected Side Effects of Depression and What You Can Do

The Unexpected Side Effects of Depression and What You Can Do

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:49+00:00November 18th, 2022|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

If you or someone you love lives with the effects of depression, you know that it is far more than occasional feelings of sadness. People often use the term depression casually to explain a wide array of feelings. Depression, however, is a medical diagnosis that goes beyond generalized feelings of sadness or being down. Even if you learn and understand what to expect, there can be some things that surprise you. While they are not the direct symptoms, these things can be side effects associated with the depression you or your loved one lives with each day. Understanding these things and what you can do to help will make the effects of depression feel less overwhelming so you can better manage it each day. Expected things associated with depression Depression, sometimes referred to as major depressive disorder or clinical depression, is a mood disorder that causes symptoms that can affect how you feel, think, and behave. These things can affect your daily life, as they are persistent for weeks, months, or even years. The most common things symptoms are: Persistent sadness or feeling empty: This is the most common thing people think of with depression. It is often described as a generalized feeling of being sad, down, or blue. The key here is that it is persistent over time and affects daily life. Loss of interest in relationships and things that were once enjoyed: People living with depression can exhibit a lack of interest in things like hobbies or activities they used to enjoy. It can even carry over into relationships, losing interest in connecting with people they care about. Negative feelings: A variety of negative feelings can be present. Things like pessimism, melancholy, irritability, worthlessness, and insecurity are a few common struggles for people with depression. Not [...]

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Practical Advice on How to Manage Anger

Practical Advice on How to Manage Anger

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:57+00:00September 27th, 2022|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If you are an angry person or know of someone who is angry most of the time, this article contains practical advice from an experienced professional therapist on how to manage anger that may help. To start and establish a baseline of understanding it is important to know that no person is born angry. We all have a range of temperaments and varying levels of tolerance. An angry response may seem to come more naturally to some people who seem to show from an early age that they have thinner skin and that they find that the provocations of life push them into red-eyed anger very easily. Others appear born with a more balanced temperament and find it easier to hold an even keel in the same situations. However, as anger is understood to be an emotional response, the degree of response is often seen as something that is learned. The good news here is that you can unlearn destructive behavior and relearn to act constructively in the same circumstances. No matter how thin your skin is. This is possible by us putting in the work it takes to displace unhealthy habits with good ones. Our relationship with anger was mostly taught to us through observing our family environment. If we grew up in a home that viewed anger as something to be neither seen nor heard, but rather that we could express anxiety, moodiness, or depressive symptoms then often we used behavior linked to these conditions to express our anger. However, the opposite is equally unhealthy. Some family cultures encourage the idea that anger needs to be expressed so that it does not fester. Studies demonstrate that losing your temper is like adding fuel to the fire and your anger increases, along with your level of aggression. Neither [...]

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Kate Motaung

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