Kate Motaung, Richardson Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:32+00:00May 13th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When it comes to marriage you often fail to think about boundaries. You forget to be mindful of those small things that can make a difference in the dynamic of your marriage. Boundaries in marriage do not have to be authoritative. They simply have to define the expectation of acceptable behavior. What are healthy boundaries? Healthy boundaries are those that will protect your marriage but are not controlling in nature. They are essential in maintaining a marriage that will be the cornerstone of the family. Boundaries in marriage keep you from following the sinful nature of your flesh. Boundaries protect spouses, kids, and others. The first thing that every marriage needs to set healthy boundaries is godly love. Love that includes mercy and grace. Unconditional love. Not a love that is controlling or jealous. When you base your marriage on the love that God shows you then you will have a foundation that can uphold the boundaries that are healthy for marriages. Admire each other not others There is no way to keep you and your spouse away from other people. You need vacations. Date nights are more fun when you experience them doing something apart from everyday life. But sometimes these places can cause you to have your attention drawn away from your spouse. Human nature causes you to notice other people. The danger of taking too much notice can be avoided by learning how to keep yourself and your spouse out of those situations. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4, NIV Understand happiness and freedom When it comes to happiness you cannot hold each other responsible for the amount of happiness you experience. You have to choose [...]

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How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:59+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

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Play Therapy for Children: Benefits and How It Works

Play Therapy for Children: Benefits and How It Works

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:01:14+00:00May 3rd, 2024|Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

Childhood is the season of life when we are least burdened by problems. Or at least, it is meant to be. The author Patrick Rothfuss wrote in one of his novels titled The Name Of The Wind that “When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.” Unfortunately, children go through experiences that rob them of their innocence, and they need help to process those experiences to make sense of them and overcome emotional and mental obstacles to their well-being. What is play therapy? One of the therapeutic techniques that therapists use to help children is called play therapy. Because of their young age, children are not always able to process their own emotions or articulate themselves enough to share their problems with parents or other adults in their lives. Play is one of the main ways that young children express themselves and navigate their world, and play therapy leverages this to create space for the child to explore their feelings and experiences. In everyday life, whether it is with or without the guidance of a mental health professional such as a therapist, children like to communicate through their play. For instance, a child who’s playing violently with their toys may be dismissed as simply being aggressive when he might be mirroring a violent domestic situation he has witnessed. If you know what to look for, toys can act as symbols and take on greater meaning as they allow a child to act out their inner feelings and deepest emotions. Play is a tool that children use to act out their fears and anxieties, to heal and problem-solve, or as a [...]

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Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:15+00:00April 11th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People do not just function as purely rational beings; we are also deeply emotional, and that is just the way that God made us. Our emotions alert us to what is going on inside of us, and they can direct our actions in significant ways. For instance, deep anger at an injustice can drive you to agitate for change. Similarly, deep affection for someone may move you to care for them in ways you would not with a stranger. All of us have a deep need to feel seen and heard. When we find ourselves being unappreciated or overlooked by others, that can cause frustration as well as feelings of low self-worth. To rectify this, one might look elsewhere for the validation and sense of being appreciated that they seek. This is one of many varied reasons why people engage in emotional infidelity. Defining emotional infidelity One way of defining emotional infidelity is that it is when a person in a committed romantic relationship forms a deep level of connection with another person. This connection approximates or has the same level of emotional intimacy as a romantic relationship. It may even exceed the depth and quality of the connection to the primary committed relationship. An emotional affair is a non-sexual relationship in which two people share their emotions, thoughts, aspirations, and support with each other in ways that cross a line. When an emotional affair happens, the third party often becomes the one that is approached to share problems, secrets, and dreams with. These are all things that are typically shared in a committed relationship, but the emotional affair often displaces the legitimate partner. Some signs of emotional infidelity The line, between just friends and something more, can be a tricky one to discern. Some purely platonic relationships are [...]

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5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:24+00:00November 9th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Life as a teen is incredibly busy and full. Between home life, school, work, friendships, and sports, teens can feel like they are being pulled in a thousand directions. As a teen, it is common to struggle with fitting in things you know are important, but more so, it is important to remember to pray. This is especially true when it comes to prayer. Whether you grew up praying or prayer is new to you, it is normal that you want to find a way to make your relationship with God something that feels comfortable and natural for you. This may mean it looks different than the way your parents or friends do things. As you explore and discover how you want to connect with God, consider how often you talk to Him. Is it something that comes easily? Do you have regular prayer time or conversation with God? Do you struggle to fit prayer into your life? No matter how you answer those questions, you can always learn new ways to connect with God. The best thing to do is to make it simple. Try new things and see how they feel. If you want to incorporate prayer into your life more, here are some things you can try. Set a reminder. You can set a reminder on your phone or watch to pray at a certain time every day. Sometimes things just get busy, and people forget to pray. Setting a reminder can help you remember to check in and talk to God. Pair it with something. You can connect prayer with something you already do. For example, you can pray every time you brush your teeth. Brushing your teeth is the trigger that reminds you to pray. Since you already do this, it is more likely [...]

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Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:38+00:00August 28th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Words are powerful. When we rehearse them, we experience them forming reality as what we speak comes into being. It may not be surprising, as we are created in God’s image. He made us able to imitate Him and experience the authority of impacting our world with our words. If He spoke and saw, then we must consider the weight of what we speak, realizing that it will also impact what we see and experience and our emotional health as a result. Our brains are responsive. They will capture the messages we program and give us an output that aligns with whatever we continue to say. We tend to focus on the glaring negative messages over the positives. God factored this into the makeup of our brains. This is why He has advocated for us to savor His Word in all of our days, for the entirety of our lives (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). For this reason, we have to be intentional about disconnecting from the negative messages and the havoc they wreak on our mental and emotional health. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. – Deuteronomy 6:6-7, ESV The Brain and Belief Negative words and limiting beliefs will chip at our souls, leaving a void that influences our perception of ourselves, others, and sometimes even God. The words we meditate on infiltrate every area of our lives. They can either pull us down or elevate us into all that God has planned for us that we don’t yet realize. Our enemy is counting on us to remain downtrodden [...]

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Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:48+00:00August 10th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

When life is busy fun tends to get pushed down to the bottom of the list. This is even truer when you are going through a hard time or struggling. People push fun aside to deal with whatever situation they are facing, to handle hard emotions, to get things done, or even because it seems frivolous. But fun is an important part of your wellness, and it’s easier than you think. “When people are having actual fun, they report feeling focused and present, free from anxiety and self-criticism. They laugh and feel connected, both to other people and to their authentic selves.” – Catherine Price During seasons of busyness or challenge, it would be helpful to feel this way. Imagine whatever you are facing right now and how you feel. Now imagine it: Feeling focused and present. With less anxiety. Void of self-criticism. With laughter. Feeling connected to others. Feeling connected to your true self. Doesn’t that sound like the way you want to feel, especially in a hard or busy time of your life? You may not feel like you have time or space for fun in your life, but there are simple ways you can incorporate more fun to help you feel better. It won’t necessarily fix the problem you face or change everything about how you feel. But it can help. Here are some easy ways to incorporate more fun into your life (even when it feels impossible): Create something. You don’t have to be an artist to create. As people made in God’s image, you have innate creativity within you. That may be artistic or it may be in another way. Just consider things you can do that are creative. Think about different outlets, different ideas, and different ways you can create. Some ideas are: [...]

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How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Marriage: Signs and Symptoms

How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Marriage: Signs and Symptoms

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:08+00:00May 5th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are key to our well-being and flourishing. When our relationships are going great, our lives feel full, bursting with vitality, and it’s quite likely that we can face challenges with confidence. However, if things aren’t going so well in our relationships, it can affect everything else in our lives. This is especially true of a toxic marriage. If you have a tiff with your spouse at home in the morning, that can distract you all day while you’re at work, affecting your focus and productivity. But if your support structure is thriving, you can face and tackle even tough situations with gusto. We are, at our core, relational creatures. As bearers of God’s image, love and relationship are key to who we are (Genesis 1: 26-27; 1 John 4:16). In a marriage, you are at your most vulnerable; your spouse is the person who knows you through and through. They’ve seen you in your moments of exultation and triumph, but they’ve also seen you at your lowest moments of failure and shame. They’ve seen you naked – in all senses of that word – and their voice carries weight in ways that other peoples don’t. It’s no wonder then that Mike Mason, author of The Mystery Of Marriage, wrote that “there is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one.” (Mason) The shape of a healthy marriage. When a marriage is good, it buoys you up in ways no other relationship can. A healthy marriage has several features that set it apart including: You are seen and heard. The world is a cacophonous jumble, and our voices often get lost in the swirl of competing voices that also desire attention. We often find ourselves trying to [...]

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5 Tips for Successful Aging

5 Tips for Successful Aging

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:20+00:00April 28th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

When we’re in our twenties, life seems long and we feel invincible. As we start to approach middle age, the realization starts to dawn that we are no longer on the right side of youth – our skin starts to sag and wrinkles appear seemingly out of nowhere. How did it happen so quickly, we might ask? What is the secret to successful aging? As Christians, we know that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30a) and that it is our inner appearance that counts before God, but it can take some time to truly accept the fact that no amount of money or effort can win back our younger selves. We need to preach to ourselves the truth of Paul to Timothy, that “godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8, NIV) Our focus should be on something deeper: “inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV This does not mean we should not look after our bodies well, but that we need to truly embrace what it means to age gracefully. Here are five tips for successful aging: Get the basics of successful aging right. We all know what we need to do to be healthy – get the right nutrition for our bodies, and exercise regularly. While we might have been able to coast through our earlier years without paying heed to this advice, successful aging depends on getting these core lifestyle pillars in place. The good news is that it’s never too late to start. Begin by incorporating small healthy habits into your lifestyle. Try less sugar in your tea, or a walk around the block daily, for instance, and then work on growing these successes. Challenge yourself. The people [...]

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Anxiety and Perfection: Lessons from Martha in the Bible

Anxiety and Perfection: Lessons from Martha in the Bible

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:06:31+00:00January 19th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

One of the truly amazing things about the Bible is its relevance to our lives today. As we read the Word, we confront people dealing with a myriad of struggles – dysfunctional families, infertility, worry, abuse, neglect, and death. Over and over again, the Bible lets us into the inner lives of people who faced the same kinds of things we do, such as anxiety and perfection. Another incredible thing is our ability to glean more than one lesson from the stories we read. The account of Mary and Martha is well known. Found in Luke 10, these six verses have been preached on, used as the basis of Bible studies, and as the backbone for devotionals for years. Martha welcomes Jesus into her home. Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42, ESV Martha is often painted as a distracted grumbler. She is so focused on the food and appearances and keeping up with cultural norms she misses the point. She tells Jesus to rebuke her sister publicly (versus doing so herself in private) and sees the censure turned back on her! And yet, maybe we miss something in Martha’s actions. Maybe we are quick [...]

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Kate Motaung

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