Individual Counseling Archives | Richardson Christian Counseling

4 Causes of an Insecure Attachment Style

4 Causes of an Insecure Attachment Style

Kate Motaung2024-11-05T06:57:02+00:00November 5th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

If you’ve been in a relationship, you probably know the feeling. Perhaps your loved one isn’t texting or calling as often, and so you assume they aren’t interested in you anymore. To preempt the inevitable, you decide to break up with them before they break up with you. But to your surprise, you find that you made massive assumptions and blew the relationship up without cause. You may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. The way we respond to others in relationships is shaped considerably by past experiences. You carry fears and expectations into new situations based on what you’ve been through before. Sometimes, these fears and expectations, which comprise your attachment style, can stem from a traumatic experience, and lead you astray and into unhealthy behaviors that undermine a healthy relationship. Attachment Styles and Their Effects Your attachment style is about how you behave and relate to others in your relationships. Some attachment styles are secure, while others are insecure. A secure attachment refers to healthy behaviors you exhibit in your relationships, flowing from the quality of the bonding experiences you had with your parents or caregivers as a child. When a child feels understood and safe, and their needs are met, they develop a secure and successful attachment. Their needs were rightly interpreted and met, which helps the child develop an expectation that it can express needs, and those needs will be met. A secure attachment in childhood will often translate into an adult who trusts others, is self-confident, can express their needs, and manages conflict well. The importance of these formative relationships becomes clear when evaluating instances where one’s needs are met inconsistently or not at all, or where they experience confusing and frightening things. If needs aren’t met or are misinterpreted, it leads to [...]

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Am I Experiencing Symptoms of Anxiety?

Am I Experiencing Symptoms of Anxiety?

Sarah Gibson, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:59:29+00:00October 28th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Anxiety vs. worry Have you ever thought, “Am I anxious or am I just worried?” For example, a high school student might be worried about an upcoming calculus test, but once the test is done and graded, they are not worried about that test anymore. Like this teenager, we have all been worried about something, but this worry usually goes away once the situation is resolved. On the other hand, what if that same teenager finds themselves constantly worrying about their grades to the point that they have trouble sleeping, become noticeably more fidgety, and start to have panic attacks? These are symptoms of anxiety and are distinct from worry. Those struggling with anxiety usually experience both emotional and physical symptoms, which if left untreated can affect your personal, professional, and spiritual life. Anxiety is widespread Anxiety is the most common mental health disorder in the United States, affecting over forty million adults, or 19.1% of the population. As the OCD & Anxiety Center explains, “For many, it has become increasingly challenging to feel “enough” in a culture that puts a lot of value on having it “all together.” The pressure and stress to achieve near-impossible goals in work and personal life can, in time, result in increased anxiety and even depression.” For those struggling with anxiety, the constant worries and stress can be overwhelming, because it feels like the worries will never stop. With anxiety, these worries can last for a longer period and there might not be a specific reason behind the anxiety. Ruminating thoughts These constant worries are a key feature of anxiety and are known as ruminating thoughts. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), rumination involves, “repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences.” Below are a few [...]

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How to Maintain and Improve Your Emotional Well-being

How to Maintain and Improve Your Emotional Well-being

Jennifer Kooshian2024-10-18T14:44:37+00:00October 17th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We are embodied thinking and feeling beings, and that’s just how we were made. Our thoughts and our feelings interact in complex and sometimes obscure ways that can leave us bewildered about ourselves. Sometimes our minds and reason lead the way, but at other times we are all heart, and we do things we can’t make sense of. At times, our hearts and minds are in alignment, but at other times they are not, reducing our sense of emotional well-being. Your well-being isn’t just about whether your body is okay, nor is it only about your mind or your emotions. Wellbeing is about all those elements and aspects of ourselves receiving adequate care and attention. Neglecting one affects the others. For instance, how you feel affects a wide range of things, including your ability to handle day-to-day tasks, manage your relationships, react to the circumstances you encounter, and make decisions. It is important to take care of every aspect of your well-being, including your emotional well-being. What is emotional wellness? According to the National Institutes of Health, “emotional wellness is the ability to successfully handle life’s stresses and adapt to change and difficult times.” When unpleasant or unwelcome things come your way, you can become overwhelmed. A person with good emotional well-being can roll with the punches and take those difficult situations in stride. Some things can undermine a person’s emotional health, and these include experiencing chronic stress from relationships or work, the lack of a support network, adverse experiences like trauma, negative self-talk that generates self-doubt, setting unrealistic expectations for yourself or others, being trapped in the comparison game, unhealthy or toxic relationships, and feeling unfulfilled and without a clear purpose. Every person has their capacity for what they can handle, and when that capacity is exceeded, it [...]

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Christian Counseling as a Safe Space For Your Healing

Christian Counseling as a Safe Space For Your Healing

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:39+00:00September 11th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

It can be hard to find someone who will truly listen to you. Sometimes you can have a conversation with someone and then walk away afterwards wondering if they even heard what you were saying. People mean well, but at times they can rush to give you advice when what you need is for someone to hear you out and help you process what you’re going through. This is where Christian counseling can help. In some instances, it can feel awkward to talk to someone you know about the things going on in your life. Perhaps you’re afraid they will see you in a different light, or maybe because it’s about them you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship. There are several reasons you might struggle to confide in a friend or loved one. This, however, doesn’t mean you’re out of options if you’re looking for someone to talk to about what you’re going through. Christian counseling in brief Christian counseling is a space where a person can discuss their concerns with a trained and licensed counselor. The counseling can take place on a one-to-one basis, or in a group setting with others seeking to address the same concerns. The kinds of concerns that can be addressed through counseling will vary widely, from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression to other concerns such as relationship difficulties or substance abuse. Your counselor will use a variety of therapeutic techniques that are suitable to the situation and your concerns. You don’t have to be a Christian to benefit from Christian counseling, but if you do opt for that approach, note that wisdom and insight grounded in the Christian faith’s understanding of the human person and their flourishing will be woven throughout. Your counselor will use these insights in addition [...]

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Social Communication Disorder or Autism?

Social Communication Disorder or Autism?

Brooke Turbyfill2024-09-27T10:25:28+00:00August 7th, 2024|Autism Spectrum Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Understanding the complexities of social communication disorder is important because some of its symptoms mimic autism. One of the distinct differences, however, is that the signs of autism can be missed when someone is a child. For a diagnosis of social communication disorder, a child must have shown symptoms from an early age.Social communication disorder is a relatively new diagnosis; previously, children were misdiagnosed as having autism.How to know if it is autism or social communication disorderWhile autism spectrum disorder may include some difficulties with communication, it also includes repetitive patterns. Social communication disorder is marked more by the inability to understand nuanced forms of communication and storytelling.While a diagnosis of SCD must be made by a trained speech and language therapist, autism spectrum disorder must be ruled out first. A child must see a psychologist to ensure the symptoms they are showing are not part of a spectrum disorder.Autism spectrum disorder characteristics differ depending on the person. Some common ones include:Communicating differently than others.Being exceptionally good at problem-solving or finding solutions that others miss.A tendency to grasp structured systems-related understanding easily – such as computers or the mathematical patterns in music.Challenges with adaptation to change.On the other hand, social communication disorder is primarily characterized by struggles with verbal and nonverbal communication.Someone with SCD may find it difficult:To understand gestures in social contexts.To understand implied meanings that are not explicitly stated.To recognize nonverbal communication or tone in a social setting.To work in a group, especially if the instructions are not clearly communicated verbally or leave some room for interpretation.To tell stories or follow along as someone else tells a story.To share what they know with others.To greet someone appropriately for the social context.To make friends and relate with peers.How do treatments for social communication disorder differ from autism?Therapy for SCD [...]

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3 Kinds of True Friends You May Not Know You Need

3 Kinds of True Friends You May Not Know You Need

Grace Mavindidze2024-09-27T10:25:10+00:00August 5th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Every day we hear people talk about their best friend or their closest friend, but have you ever considered that everyone might need several kinds of true friends? Think about what criteria you use to measure the value of a friend. If you are honest with yourself, perhaps you don’t even know why or how to identify who should be closest to you. Thankfully, the Bible has many stories of true friends you can use to gain some insight into what you might have or what you’re missing in your circle of friends. Some of these stories are well known, but there may also be some not-so-popular friendship stories from which you can learn a thing or two about the different kinds of soul connections one can have. Types of true friends you need The interceding true friend: Moses and Aaron In the book of Exodus, there is an inspiring story about Moses, who had a crippling fear of failure, and about speaking to Pharaoh and pleading with God to send him a helper to stand in the gap for him. God not only gave him an assistant, but He also gave him a true friend. Moreover, he shall speak for you to the people, and he will be as a mouth for you, and you will be as God to him. – Exodus 4:14, ESV Years later, when Moses had to lead the Israelites in battle against the Amalekites, yet another impossible task was required of him. As long as Moses kept his hands raised, the Israelites kept winning, but each time he lowered his hands, the Amalekites would gain the upper hand. Aaron helped him keep his hands propped up until the battle was won. Do you have an Aaron in your life? Someone who can speak [...]

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How To Deal With People That Are Overstepping Boundaries In Your Relationships

How To Deal With People That Are Overstepping Boundaries In Your Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:12:11+00:00June 29th, 2024|Depression, Family Counseling, Featured, Group Counseling, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

You’ve just gotten home after a long day at work, and you’re sitting on your couch nursing a glass of wine while deciding if there’s anything worth getting into on Netflix. Your phone pings beside you, and you see a few messages that have just come in. One is from a sibling asking to borrow your car for the weekend. Another is from your boss, who’s just sent you an email that they need you to respond to in time for an early morning meeting the next day. The last one is an inappropriate text from a person you went out with once and things didn’t work out, but every so often they still send messages expressing their feelings even after you told them not to. In each of these scenarios, there’s a boundary that is likely getting violated. Your sibling may be asking for the car even though they know you tend to use it then and you’ve hesitated to loan the car to them since they had a fender bender. Your employer should know better than to send work emails outside of work hours and expect a response before the following morning. And if you’ve requested someone to stop sending you messages, they are likewise violating your boundaries and likely your sense of safety. In each of these cases, people are overstepping their boundaries in the relationship. What Are Boundaries? A helpful way to think of boundaries in relationships is to look at a physical real-world example. If you’re blessed enough to own your home, you’ll know that there’s a boundary that marks your property and also delineates what your neighbor’s property is. When you’re cutting your grass or doing some landscaping, you’re responsible for your patch while your neighbor is responsible for theirs. The boundary indicates [...]

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How to Communicate Boundaries in Friendships

How to Communicate Boundaries in Friendships

Stephanie Kramer2024-09-27T10:24:55+00:00May 22nd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

The boundaries in friendships you set will likely differ for every relationship in your life. Take time to consider what boundaries are important and healthy in each friendship. Think about the behaviors and actions that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed and use this information to help guide you as you draw your boundaries. How to communicate the boundaries to others After determining where to set healthy boundaries, it’s time to communicate them to the other person in the relationship. Reinforce their value A good way to start a conversation about relationship boundaries is to reiterate your positive feelings about your friend. Help them to feel valued and respected. Be specific and sincere in your compliments and your feelings about the relationship. Communicate clearly Be honest and direct in your communication. It might be helpful to write your boundaries down before you express them. This will help you organize your thoughts and allow you to communicate clearly. Be specific Try to be specific when communicating your boundaries. Don’t use vague language that might be unclear. Instead, give specific statements about what you need. State what you need Focus your statements on what you request of your friend, rather than what you don’t like in the relationship. Avoid directly blaming them or pointing out their faults. Instead, focus on what you need. Remain calm Your message will be better received if you stay calm. Find a time and place when you can talk calmly with your friend about your boundaries. Do not raise your voice. Keep your body language and facial expression pleasant and friendly. Don’t apologize or make excuses Avoid the temptation to make excuses or to apologize for your boundaries. Realize that you have the right to draw healthy and reasonable limits and that doing so will ultimately [...]

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A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:24:33+00:00May 8th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples don’t think about divorce when they are planning their wedding. The focus is on creating a memorable moment for one of the most important events of their lives. However, some couples will face the heartache of divorce. Through unexpected events, it becomes evident that divorce is an option. It is important to remember, a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure. There is no way to have foresight into which marriage will end in divorce. There are no given rules as to how to have a marriage that will stand the test of time. Marriage happens between two people. People are prone to mistakes and bad decisions. Sometimes these lead to causing a marriage to fall apart. This doesn’t always mean the marriage was a failure. The inevitable question: “What happened?” When a couple begins to let family and friends know that a divorce is pending, the most common question is “What Happened?” Typically this is followed by the statement “You both seemed so happy.” This is a conversation that most couples do not want to have until after the divorce is final and they have been able to process the situation. Sometimes the couple doesn’t even understand how the marriage has come to the point of ending. The pressure of having to engage in this conversation is a major factor in how a couple shares the situation. Society has determined that there has to be a specific reason caused by a specific person. However, sometimes identifying these is not easy. Most common causes of a failed marriage There are a multitude of reasons for divorce. Most of these reasons evolve from a lack of connection in one way or another. Though the relationship was thought to be a perfect match, the fact is the connection may [...]

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How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:59+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

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