Relationship Issues Archives | Richardson Christian Counseling

4 Causes of an Insecure Attachment Style

4 Causes of an Insecure Attachment Style

Kate Motaung2024-11-05T06:57:02+00:00November 5th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

If you’ve been in a relationship, you probably know the feeling. Perhaps your loved one isn’t texting or calling as often, and so you assume they aren’t interested in you anymore. To preempt the inevitable, you decide to break up with them before they break up with you. But to your surprise, you find that you made massive assumptions and blew the relationship up without cause. You may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. The way we respond to others in relationships is shaped considerably by past experiences. You carry fears and expectations into new situations based on what you’ve been through before. Sometimes, these fears and expectations, which comprise your attachment style, can stem from a traumatic experience, and lead you astray and into unhealthy behaviors that undermine a healthy relationship. Attachment Styles and Their Effects Your attachment style is about how you behave and relate to others in your relationships. Some attachment styles are secure, while others are insecure. A secure attachment refers to healthy behaviors you exhibit in your relationships, flowing from the quality of the bonding experiences you had with your parents or caregivers as a child. When a child feels understood and safe, and their needs are met, they develop a secure and successful attachment. Their needs were rightly interpreted and met, which helps the child develop an expectation that it can express needs, and those needs will be met. A secure attachment in childhood will often translate into an adult who trusts others, is self-confident, can express their needs, and manages conflict well. The importance of these formative relationships becomes clear when evaluating instances where one’s needs are met inconsistently or not at all, or where they experience confusing and frightening things. If needs aren’t met or are misinterpreted, it leads to [...]

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3 Kinds of True Friends You May Not Know You Need

3 Kinds of True Friends You May Not Know You Need

Grace Mavindidze2024-09-27T10:25:10+00:00August 5th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Every day we hear people talk about their best friend or their closest friend, but have you ever considered that everyone might need several kinds of true friends? Think about what criteria you use to measure the value of a friend. If you are honest with yourself, perhaps you don’t even know why or how to identify who should be closest to you. Thankfully, the Bible has many stories of true friends you can use to gain some insight into what you might have or what you’re missing in your circle of friends. Some of these stories are well known, but there may also be some not-so-popular friendship stories from which you can learn a thing or two about the different kinds of soul connections one can have. Types of true friends you need The interceding true friend: Moses and Aaron In the book of Exodus, there is an inspiring story about Moses, who had a crippling fear of failure, and about speaking to Pharaoh and pleading with God to send him a helper to stand in the gap for him. God not only gave him an assistant, but He also gave him a true friend. Moreover, he shall speak for you to the people, and he will be as a mouth for you, and you will be as God to him. – Exodus 4:14, ESV Years later, when Moses had to lead the Israelites in battle against the Amalekites, yet another impossible task was required of him. As long as Moses kept his hands raised, the Israelites kept winning, but each time he lowered his hands, the Amalekites would gain the upper hand. Aaron helped him keep his hands propped up until the battle was won. Do you have an Aaron in your life? Someone who can speak [...]

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4 Fun Date Ideas for Married Couples

4 Fun Date Ideas for Married Couples

Emmah Machokoto2024-09-27T10:22:53+00:00July 4th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When you are married, it is easy for the relationship to get stagnant and it can be difficult to come up with date ideas. After a while, you can feel like you are just going through the motions. Adult life can get you carried away in the busyness of day-to-day life. Stress and pressures of work, chores, homework with the kids, and other family responsibilities can sap energy and motivation. With these realities in mind, it becomes important for a married couple to be intentional about spending uninterrupted quality time together away from these distractions. By spending time together, you are both reminded why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. Coming up with date ideas and spending time together also allows you to rekindle your romance and revive intimacy in your relationship. As a married couple, you need to prioritize going on regular dates to strengthen your marital bond, as well as the emotional connection. By prioritizing dates, you intentionally disrupt the seemingly routine nature of marriage. This allows you and your spouse to create time to pursue other interests together. It is not uncommon to hear people describing their marriage as monotonous or routine. Marriage doesn’t need to be boring, neither should it start to feel like a chore. 4 Date Ideas for Married Couples If you don’t intentionally and consistently spend quality time with your spouse, they might start feeling neglected or disconnected from you. Dates for married people are an important investment that can have positive and lasting benefits for a couple. Explore these four date ideas for married couples. See if there is something you are interested in trying out with your spouse. Outdoor adventure There is something liberating and rejuvenating about the outdoors. It provides a much-needed break from [...]

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How To Deal With People That Are Overstepping Boundaries In Your Relationships

How To Deal With People That Are Overstepping Boundaries In Your Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:12:11+00:00June 29th, 2024|Depression, Family Counseling, Featured, Group Counseling, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

You’ve just gotten home after a long day at work, and you’re sitting on your couch nursing a glass of wine while deciding if there’s anything worth getting into on Netflix. Your phone pings beside you, and you see a few messages that have just come in. One is from a sibling asking to borrow your car for the weekend. Another is from your boss, who’s just sent you an email that they need you to respond to in time for an early morning meeting the next day. The last one is an inappropriate text from a person you went out with once and things didn’t work out, but every so often they still send messages expressing their feelings even after you told them not to. In each of these scenarios, there’s a boundary that is likely getting violated. Your sibling may be asking for the car even though they know you tend to use it then and you’ve hesitated to loan the car to them since they had a fender bender. Your employer should know better than to send work emails outside of work hours and expect a response before the following morning. And if you’ve requested someone to stop sending you messages, they are likewise violating your boundaries and likely your sense of safety. In each of these cases, people are overstepping their boundaries in the relationship. What Are Boundaries? A helpful way to think of boundaries in relationships is to look at a physical real-world example. If you’re blessed enough to own your home, you’ll know that there’s a boundary that marks your property and also delineates what your neighbor’s property is. When you’re cutting your grass or doing some landscaping, you’re responsible for your patch while your neighbor is responsible for theirs. The boundary indicates [...]

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How to Communicate Boundaries in Friendships

How to Communicate Boundaries in Friendships

Stephanie Kramer2024-09-27T10:24:55+00:00May 22nd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

The boundaries in friendships you set will likely differ for every relationship in your life. Take time to consider what boundaries are important and healthy in each friendship. Think about the behaviors and actions that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed and use this information to help guide you as you draw your boundaries. How to communicate the boundaries to others After determining where to set healthy boundaries, it’s time to communicate them to the other person in the relationship. Reinforce their value A good way to start a conversation about relationship boundaries is to reiterate your positive feelings about your friend. Help them to feel valued and respected. Be specific and sincere in your compliments and your feelings about the relationship. Communicate clearly Be honest and direct in your communication. It might be helpful to write your boundaries down before you express them. This will help you organize your thoughts and allow you to communicate clearly. Be specific Try to be specific when communicating your boundaries. Don’t use vague language that might be unclear. Instead, give specific statements about what you need. State what you need Focus your statements on what you request of your friend, rather than what you don’t like in the relationship. Avoid directly blaming them or pointing out their faults. Instead, focus on what you need. Remain calm Your message will be better received if you stay calm. Find a time and place when you can talk calmly with your friend about your boundaries. Do not raise your voice. Keep your body language and facial expression pleasant and friendly. Don’t apologize or make excuses Avoid the temptation to make excuses or to apologize for your boundaries. Realize that you have the right to draw healthy and reasonable limits and that doing so will ultimately [...]

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13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:32+00:00May 13th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When it comes to marriage you often fail to think about boundaries. You forget to be mindful of those small things that can make a difference in the dynamic of your marriage. Boundaries in marriage do not have to be authoritative. They simply have to define the expectation of acceptable behavior. What are healthy boundaries? Healthy boundaries are those that will protect your marriage but are not controlling in nature. They are essential in maintaining a marriage that will be the cornerstone of the family. Boundaries in marriage keep you from following the sinful nature of your flesh. Boundaries protect spouses, kids, and others. The first thing that every marriage needs to set healthy boundaries is godly love. Love that includes mercy and grace. Unconditional love. Not a love that is controlling or jealous. When you base your marriage on the love that God shows you then you will have a foundation that can uphold the boundaries that are healthy for marriages. Admire each other not others There is no way to keep you and your spouse away from other people. You need vacations. Date nights are more fun when you experience them doing something apart from everyday life. But sometimes these places can cause you to have your attention drawn away from your spouse. Human nature causes you to notice other people. The danger of taking too much notice can be avoided by learning how to keep yourself and your spouse out of those situations. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4, NIV Understand happiness and freedom When it comes to happiness you cannot hold each other responsible for the amount of happiness you experience. You have to choose [...]

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A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:24:33+00:00May 8th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples don’t think about divorce when they are planning their wedding. The focus is on creating a memorable moment for one of the most important events of their lives. However, some couples will face the heartache of divorce. Through unexpected events, it becomes evident that divorce is an option. It is important to remember, a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure. There is no way to have foresight into which marriage will end in divorce. There are no given rules as to how to have a marriage that will stand the test of time. Marriage happens between two people. People are prone to mistakes and bad decisions. Sometimes these lead to causing a marriage to fall apart. This doesn’t always mean the marriage was a failure. The inevitable question: “What happened?” When a couple begins to let family and friends know that a divorce is pending, the most common question is “What Happened?” Typically this is followed by the statement “You both seemed so happy.” This is a conversation that most couples do not want to have until after the divorce is final and they have been able to process the situation. Sometimes the couple doesn’t even understand how the marriage has come to the point of ending. The pressure of having to engage in this conversation is a major factor in how a couple shares the situation. Society has determined that there has to be a specific reason caused by a specific person. However, sometimes identifying these is not easy. Most common causes of a failed marriage There are a multitude of reasons for divorce. Most of these reasons evolve from a lack of connection in one way or another. Though the relationship was thought to be a perfect match, the fact is the connection may [...]

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How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:59+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

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Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:15+00:00April 11th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People do not just function as purely rational beings; we are also deeply emotional, and that is just the way that God made us. Our emotions alert us to what is going on inside of us, and they can direct our actions in significant ways. For instance, deep anger at an injustice can drive you to agitate for change. Similarly, deep affection for someone may move you to care for them in ways you would not with a stranger. All of us have a deep need to feel seen and heard. When we find ourselves being unappreciated or overlooked by others, that can cause frustration as well as feelings of low self-worth. To rectify this, one might look elsewhere for the validation and sense of being appreciated that they seek. This is one of many varied reasons why people engage in emotional infidelity. Defining emotional infidelity One way of defining emotional infidelity is that it is when a person in a committed romantic relationship forms a deep level of connection with another person. This connection approximates or has the same level of emotional intimacy as a romantic relationship. It may even exceed the depth and quality of the connection to the primary committed relationship. An emotional affair is a non-sexual relationship in which two people share their emotions, thoughts, aspirations, and support with each other in ways that cross a line. When an emotional affair happens, the third party often becomes the one that is approached to share problems, secrets, and dreams with. These are all things that are typically shared in a committed relationship, but the emotional affair often displaces the legitimate partner. Some signs of emotional infidelity The line, between just friends and something more, can be a tricky one to discern. Some purely platonic relationships are [...]

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Reconciling Family Rifts Between Parents and Adult Children

Reconciling Family Rifts Between Parents and Adult Children

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T10:22:39+00:00January 23rd, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Family rifts are difficult for everyone involved. Estrangement places strain on not only the parent and adult child but also other family members, such as grown siblings. For example, if you and your oldest son are estranged, anger and resentment may trickle down to your other children, in-laws, and grandchildren. Sometimes, family rifts are unavoidable based on past behavior. Other times, an emotional distance builds as each person lives their life separately until there is no common ground. In these times, we need to seek God’s help and take small steps toward reconciliation. Reconciling family rifts. The strength of your family may rest on how you reconcile family rifts. Make the first move. Whether you are the parent or the adult child in a family rift, you may need to make the first move toward reconciliation. Opening the lines of communication might be the starting point to breaking the silence. It is time to unblock your loved one from social media and start answering their calls and texts. Take the first step and send a message. Find something you agree on. Common ground may be enough to place you back into neutral territory. Perhaps you can agree on an event for a grandchild or offer tickets or pictures of something your loved one cares about. Often, it is uniting over a common issue or topic that brings family back together. Find the one thing that puts you front and center and make the first move. Keep pride out of the conversation. It is easy to blame the other person for any family rifts. Yet, pride cannot enter the conversation if you desire a reconciliation. Pride can keep you from admitting your part in the distance. It can also keep you from accepting an apology or moving forward if you [...]

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