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13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

13 Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:32+00:00May 13th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When it comes to marriage you often fail to think about boundaries. You forget to be mindful of those small things that can make a difference in the dynamic of your marriage. Boundaries in marriage do not have to be authoritative. They simply have to define the expectation of acceptable behavior. What are healthy boundaries? Healthy boundaries are those that will protect your marriage but are not controlling in nature. They are essential in maintaining a marriage that will be the cornerstone of the family. Boundaries in marriage keep you from following the sinful nature of your flesh. Boundaries protect spouses, kids, and others. The first thing that every marriage needs to set healthy boundaries is godly love. Love that includes mercy and grace. Unconditional love. Not a love that is controlling or jealous. When you base your marriage on the love that God shows you then you will have a foundation that can uphold the boundaries that are healthy for marriages. Admire each other not others There is no way to keep you and your spouse away from other people. You need vacations. Date nights are more fun when you experience them doing something apart from everyday life. But sometimes these places can cause you to have your attention drawn away from your spouse. Human nature causes you to notice other people. The danger of taking too much notice can be avoided by learning how to keep yourself and your spouse out of those situations. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4, NIV Understand happiness and freedom When it comes to happiness you cannot hold each other responsible for the amount of happiness you experience. You have to choose [...]

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A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

A Failed Marriage Doesn’t Make You a Failure

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:24:33+00:00May 8th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples don’t think about divorce when they are planning their wedding. The focus is on creating a memorable moment for one of the most important events of their lives. However, some couples will face the heartache of divorce. Through unexpected events, it becomes evident that divorce is an option. It is important to remember, a failed marriage doesn’t make you a failure. There is no way to have foresight into which marriage will end in divorce. There are no given rules as to how to have a marriage that will stand the test of time. Marriage happens between two people. People are prone to mistakes and bad decisions. Sometimes these lead to causing a marriage to fall apart. This doesn’t always mean the marriage was a failure. The inevitable question: “What happened?” When a couple begins to let family and friends know that a divorce is pending, the most common question is “What Happened?” Typically this is followed by the statement “You both seemed so happy.” This is a conversation that most couples do not want to have until after the divorce is final and they have been able to process the situation. Sometimes the couple doesn’t even understand how the marriage has come to the point of ending. The pressure of having to engage in this conversation is a major factor in how a couple shares the situation. Society has determined that there has to be a specific reason caused by a specific person. However, sometimes identifying these is not easy. Most common causes of a failed marriage There are a multitude of reasons for divorce. Most of these reasons evolve from a lack of connection in one way or another. Though the relationship was thought to be a perfect match, the fact is the connection may [...]

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How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:59+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

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Play Therapy for Children: Benefits and How It Works

Play Therapy for Children: Benefits and How It Works

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:01:14+00:00May 3rd, 2024|Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

Childhood is the season of life when we are least burdened by problems. Or at least, it is meant to be. The author Patrick Rothfuss wrote in one of his novels titled The Name Of The Wind that “When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.” Unfortunately, children go through experiences that rob them of their innocence, and they need help to process those experiences to make sense of them and overcome emotional and mental obstacles to their well-being. What is play therapy? One of the therapeutic techniques that therapists use to help children is called play therapy. Because of their young age, children are not always able to process their own emotions or articulate themselves enough to share their problems with parents or other adults in their lives. Play is one of the main ways that young children express themselves and navigate their world, and play therapy leverages this to create space for the child to explore their feelings and experiences. In everyday life, whether it is with or without the guidance of a mental health professional such as a therapist, children like to communicate through their play. For instance, a child who’s playing violently with their toys may be dismissed as simply being aggressive when he might be mirroring a violent domestic situation he has witnessed. If you know what to look for, toys can act as symbols and take on greater meaning as they allow a child to act out their inner feelings and deepest emotions. Play is a tool that children use to act out their fears and anxieties, to heal and problem-solve, or as a [...]

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Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:15+00:00April 11th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People do not just function as purely rational beings; we are also deeply emotional, and that is just the way that God made us. Our emotions alert us to what is going on inside of us, and they can direct our actions in significant ways. For instance, deep anger at an injustice can drive you to agitate for change. Similarly, deep affection for someone may move you to care for them in ways you would not with a stranger. All of us have a deep need to feel seen and heard. When we find ourselves being unappreciated or overlooked by others, that can cause frustration as well as feelings of low self-worth. To rectify this, one might look elsewhere for the validation and sense of being appreciated that they seek. This is one of many varied reasons why people engage in emotional infidelity. Defining emotional infidelity One way of defining emotional infidelity is that it is when a person in a committed romantic relationship forms a deep level of connection with another person. This connection approximates or has the same level of emotional intimacy as a romantic relationship. It may even exceed the depth and quality of the connection to the primary committed relationship. An emotional affair is a non-sexual relationship in which two people share their emotions, thoughts, aspirations, and support with each other in ways that cross a line. When an emotional affair happens, the third party often becomes the one that is approached to share problems, secrets, and dreams with. These are all things that are typically shared in a committed relationship, but the emotional affair often displaces the legitimate partner. Some signs of emotional infidelity The line, between just friends and something more, can be a tricky one to discern. Some purely platonic relationships are [...]

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The Process of Taking Every Thought Captive

The Process of Taking Every Thought Captive

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:24:21+00:00March 29th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Anxiety and stress distort our thought processes. We can get stuck in a negative thought pattern and become overwhelmed. Anxious thoughts turn over again and again in our minds, further cycling negative beliefs about ourselves that are untrue. We question why we are anxious and scold ourselves for doing so. Learning to take every thought captive is a Biblical approach to reducing those feelings of anxiety and worry. For those who suffer from an anxiety disorder, it is not as simple as relaxing. God wants us to depend on Him for peace. Learning how to replace negative thinking with positive and uplifting messages is a deep and intentional process by which a person recognizes their thoughts and decides to change them. Try the following steps the next time you are stuck. Identify the thought The first and most fundamental step is to identify the onset of the thoughts that lead to anxiety. To begin to change, we must first be able to recognize that the intrusive thought we are experiencing is present and influencing us negatively. Analyze the thought To take the thought captive, you need to analyze the thought and determine if it is causing anxiety, depression, or anger. You may want to ask yourself, “Does this thought align with my faith and God’s word?” And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2, NASB Engage the nervous system When you find that you are experiencing a thought that is triggering anxiety, depression, or anger you will need to engage your nervous system. When you take every thought captive you learn how to respond instead of reacting. Engaging [...]

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Finding Healing from Psychological Trauma

Finding Healing from Psychological Trauma

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:16+00:00February 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In life, we all encounter difficult and distressing situations at one point or another. Some of these situations are shocking to the point that they can cause harm to a person’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. That harm is referred to as either physical or psychological trauma. What is psychological trauma? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster”. That response to stressful events also includes abuse, being caught in a war zone, childbirth, sudden loss of a loved one, intergenerational trauma, being trafficked, being kidnapped, or any other event that a person finds emotionally or physically harmful or threatening. However, experiencing a stressful event does not necessarily lead to trauma, and not everyone who goes through such an experience will be traumatized. Trauma can either be physical or psychological/emotional. Physical trauma is when someone suffers a serious bodily injury that may or may not leave them incapacitated in one way or another. Psychological or emotional trauma is what has been defined above, and there are several subcategories or types of that trauma, and these include the following: Acute emotional trauma, which stems from a dangerous or distressing situation. An example of this is being involved in a car accident. Chronic emotional trauma, which develops because of repeated exposure to distressing events. Included in this category would be domestic violence, child abuse, or bullying occurring over an extended period. There is a third subcategory, which is complex emotional trauma. Such trauma is the result of being exposed to several traumatic or distressing events. Trauma can also affect a person vicariously through having close contact with someone that experienced a distressing and traumatic event. For instance, people like first responders, family members, and mental health professionals [...]

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Reconciling Family Rifts Between Parents and Adult Children

Reconciling Family Rifts Between Parents and Adult Children

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T10:22:39+00:00January 23rd, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Family rifts are difficult for everyone involved. Estrangement places strain on not only the parent and adult child but also other family members, such as grown siblings. For example, if you and your oldest son are estranged, anger and resentment may trickle down to your other children, in-laws, and grandchildren. Sometimes, family rifts are unavoidable based on past behavior. Other times, an emotional distance builds as each person lives their life separately until there is no common ground. In these times, we need to seek God’s help and take small steps toward reconciliation. Reconciling family rifts. The strength of your family may rest on how you reconcile family rifts. Make the first move. Whether you are the parent or the adult child in a family rift, you may need to make the first move toward reconciliation. Opening the lines of communication might be the starting point to breaking the silence. It is time to unblock your loved one from social media and start answering their calls and texts. Take the first step and send a message. Find something you agree on. Common ground may be enough to place you back into neutral territory. Perhaps you can agree on an event for a grandchild or offer tickets or pictures of something your loved one cares about. Often, it is uniting over a common issue or topic that brings family back together. Find the one thing that puts you front and center and make the first move. Keep pride out of the conversation. It is easy to blame the other person for any family rifts. Yet, pride cannot enter the conversation if you desire a reconciliation. Pride can keep you from admitting your part in the distance. It can also keep you from accepting an apology or moving forward if you [...]

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Stress Management Tips to Help You Stay Healthy and Productive

Stress Management Tips to Help You Stay Healthy and Productive

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:29+00:00January 9th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Life doesn’t always come neatly packaged and easy to handle. We often encounter situations we never planned for, and even the things we anticipated can sometimes overwhelm us. When we are in a situation that we don’t feel we can manage or control, that produces the stress response, requiring stress management. Stress is how we react when we feel under pressure or threatened, and that differs from individual to individual. Some people relish a tight deadline, while others break out in hives if they start to feel like they’re falling behind schedule. Stress is an everyday part of life, and when you encounter it, you must have strategies in place to handle stress in a healthy way that doesn’t diminish your productivity or health. Some common sources of stress. People are wired differently, so what stresses one person out, or an area of life that causes stress for one person doesn’t register for another person. Some of the more common sources of stress include: Work. This includes the nature of the work itself. For instance, some jobs like law enforcement or in the medical field have a high intensity. Additionally, if you have too much work to do, and not enough institutional support, or you’re on a tight deadline, that too is a significant source of stress. Being underemployed or unemployed can also cause stress, as can the threat of losing your job. Relationship strain. If your relationships are strained or mired in conflict, this too can cause a lot of stress. Healthy relationships are a key predictor of one’s sense of fulfillment, and strain in relationships often results in a diminished sense of flourishing Finances. Not having the resources you need to meet your obligations can be a huge mental burden and a source of pressure. Illness. Whether [...]

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Grieving Over the Loss of a Parent

Grieving Over the Loss of a Parent

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:24+00:00December 28th, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

One thing that most people crave is a sense of stability, to know that their world has some constants that allow them to make sense of the world and themselves. That sense of constancy may come from the house we live in, the routines we adhere to, or the people we have around us. Few relationships frame our existence quite the same way as that between a parent and child, which is why the loss of a parent and the grieving that follows is so significant. A child often comes into the world with parents around them, and these are the first people that the child knows. Their family forms the first relationships they have, and those relationships shape them in profound ways as they grow older and form relationships with other people. The loss of a parent likely marks the end of one’s longest-standing relationships, and the grief from that loss will mark a person for the rest of their life, and it can be complicated in various ways. How our grief works. You may have heard about the 5 stages of grief before. It’s something that Elizabeth Kübler Ross wrote about in her book “On Death and Dying”. In that book, she noted that while everyone can grieve differently, there are some commonalities in how grief works for different people. Grief can be divided into five stages that describe certain feelings experienced during grief. Kübler Ross’ observations came from years of working with terminally ill people. The five stages of grief are as follows: Denial. One can pretend that the loss they’ve experienced isn’t real. It may simply be too overwhelming to process and acknowledge at that moment. Anger. Feelings of anger can mask other emotions that you may be carrying at that moment. The anger may [...]

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