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How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

How to Spot Subtle Toxicity in a Relationship

Vanessa Gross, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:00:59+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

We live in days when cancel culture is a hot-button topic in society. Celebrities, politicians, and people with any kind of influence are held to a level of scrutiny that does not allow for failure of any sort, especially moral failure. In discussions about toxic work environments and holding people accountable for injustice, it is often encouraged that we should apply the same type of critical evaluation to relationships. Intimacy is often found once we expose the most shameful parts of ourselves to each other and hold each other’s confidence. Relationships are frequently about forgiveness for failings, bad behavior, and mistakes. But where do we draw the line on this? How do we know what is simply a flawed, but lovable person, and what is toxic behavior that is best to avoid? Is there redemption for toxicity? What constitutes toxicity in a relationship? Many of us enjoy a good fight. There is a personality type that rises to confrontation with ease and even enjoyment, and they can express themselves well. These types enjoy it when a partner or friend matches their passionate energy, and they respond to criticisms or accusations with eloquence and ease. In many cases, this type of confrontation doesn’t do much harm. It can feel quite therapeutic to be direct and say what’s on our minds, even if it feels negative once we’ve said it. When two confrontational types are in a relationship, there may be a constant butting of heads. To someone who is not as comfortable with directness, their conversations or communication style might be alarming to witness. However, with hot and zesty folks, the anger, aggression, or passion that fires up usually dissipates as easily. After a heated conversation, it is not unusual for both partners to move on without any wounded feelings. [...]

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Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Signs of Emotional Infidelity and How it Affects Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:15+00:00April 11th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People do not just function as purely rational beings; we are also deeply emotional, and that is just the way that God made us. Our emotions alert us to what is going on inside of us, and they can direct our actions in significant ways. For instance, deep anger at an injustice can drive you to agitate for change. Similarly, deep affection for someone may move you to care for them in ways you would not with a stranger. All of us have a deep need to feel seen and heard. When we find ourselves being unappreciated or overlooked by others, that can cause frustration as well as feelings of low self-worth. To rectify this, one might look elsewhere for the validation and sense of being appreciated that they seek. This is one of many varied reasons why people engage in emotional infidelity. Defining emotional infidelity One way of defining emotional infidelity is that it is when a person in a committed romantic relationship forms a deep level of connection with another person. This connection approximates or has the same level of emotional intimacy as a romantic relationship. It may even exceed the depth and quality of the connection to the primary committed relationship. An emotional affair is a non-sexual relationship in which two people share their emotions, thoughts, aspirations, and support with each other in ways that cross a line. When an emotional affair happens, the third party often becomes the one that is approached to share problems, secrets, and dreams with. These are all things that are typically shared in a committed relationship, but the emotional affair often displaces the legitimate partner. Some signs of emotional infidelity The line, between just friends and something more, can be a tricky one to discern. Some purely platonic relationships are [...]

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The Process of Taking Every Thought Captive

The Process of Taking Every Thought Captive

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:24:21+00:00March 29th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Anxiety and stress distort our thought processes. We can get stuck in a negative thought pattern and become overwhelmed. Anxious thoughts turn over again and again in our minds, further cycling negative beliefs about ourselves that are untrue. We question why we are anxious and scold ourselves for doing so. Learning to take every thought captive is a Biblical approach to reducing those feelings of anxiety and worry. For those who suffer from an anxiety disorder, it is not as simple as relaxing. God wants us to depend on Him for peace. Learning how to replace negative thinking with positive and uplifting messages is a deep and intentional process by which a person recognizes their thoughts and decides to change them. Try the following steps the next time you are stuck. Identify the thought The first and most fundamental step is to identify the onset of the thoughts that lead to anxiety. To begin to change, we must first be able to recognize that the intrusive thought we are experiencing is present and influencing us negatively. Analyze the thought To take the thought captive, you need to analyze the thought and determine if it is causing anxiety, depression, or anger. You may want to ask yourself, “Does this thought align with my faith and God’s word?” And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2, NASB Engage the nervous system When you find that you are experiencing a thought that is triggering anxiety, depression, or anger you will need to engage your nervous system. When you take every thought captive you learn how to respond instead of reacting. Engaging [...]

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Finding Healing from Psychological Trauma

Finding Healing from Psychological Trauma

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:16+00:00February 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In life, we all encounter difficult and distressing situations at one point or another. Some of these situations are shocking to the point that they can cause harm to a person’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being. That harm is referred to as either physical or psychological trauma. What is psychological trauma? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster”. That response to stressful events also includes abuse, being caught in a war zone, childbirth, sudden loss of a loved one, intergenerational trauma, being trafficked, being kidnapped, or any other event that a person finds emotionally or physically harmful or threatening. However, experiencing a stressful event does not necessarily lead to trauma, and not everyone who goes through such an experience will be traumatized. Trauma can either be physical or psychological/emotional. Physical trauma is when someone suffers a serious bodily injury that may or may not leave them incapacitated in one way or another. Psychological or emotional trauma is what has been defined above, and there are several subcategories or types of that trauma, and these include the following: Acute emotional trauma, which stems from a dangerous or distressing situation. An example of this is being involved in a car accident. Chronic emotional trauma, which develops because of repeated exposure to distressing events. Included in this category would be domestic violence, child abuse, or bullying occurring over an extended period. There is a third subcategory, which is complex emotional trauma. Such trauma is the result of being exposed to several traumatic or distressing events. Trauma can also affect a person vicariously through having close contact with someone that experienced a distressing and traumatic event. For instance, people like first responders, family members, and mental health professionals [...]

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Stress Management Tips to Help You Stay Healthy and Productive

Stress Management Tips to Help You Stay Healthy and Productive

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:29+00:00January 9th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Life doesn’t always come neatly packaged and easy to handle. We often encounter situations we never planned for, and even the things we anticipated can sometimes overwhelm us. When we are in a situation that we don’t feel we can manage or control, that produces the stress response, requiring stress management. Stress is how we react when we feel under pressure or threatened, and that differs from individual to individual. Some people relish a tight deadline, while others break out in hives if they start to feel like they’re falling behind schedule. Stress is an everyday part of life, and when you encounter it, you must have strategies in place to handle stress in a healthy way that doesn’t diminish your productivity or health. Some common sources of stress. People are wired differently, so what stresses one person out, or an area of life that causes stress for one person doesn’t register for another person. Some of the more common sources of stress include: Work. This includes the nature of the work itself. For instance, some jobs like law enforcement or in the medical field have a high intensity. Additionally, if you have too much work to do, and not enough institutional support, or you’re on a tight deadline, that too is a significant source of stress. Being underemployed or unemployed can also cause stress, as can the threat of losing your job. Relationship strain. If your relationships are strained or mired in conflict, this too can cause a lot of stress. Healthy relationships are a key predictor of one’s sense of fulfillment, and strain in relationships often results in a diminished sense of flourishing Finances. Not having the resources you need to meet your obligations can be a huge mental burden and a source of pressure. Illness. Whether [...]

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Grieving Over the Loss of a Parent

Grieving Over the Loss of a Parent

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T10:30:24+00:00December 28th, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

One thing that most people crave is a sense of stability, to know that their world has some constants that allow them to make sense of the world and themselves. That sense of constancy may come from the house we live in, the routines we adhere to, or the people we have around us. Few relationships frame our existence quite the same way as that between a parent and child, which is why the loss of a parent and the grieving that follows is so significant. A child often comes into the world with parents around them, and these are the first people that the child knows. Their family forms the first relationships they have, and those relationships shape them in profound ways as they grow older and form relationships with other people. The loss of a parent likely marks the end of one’s longest-standing relationships, and the grief from that loss will mark a person for the rest of their life, and it can be complicated in various ways. How our grief works. You may have heard about the 5 stages of grief before. It’s something that Elizabeth Kübler Ross wrote about in her book “On Death and Dying”. In that book, she noted that while everyone can grieve differently, there are some commonalities in how grief works for different people. Grief can be divided into five stages that describe certain feelings experienced during grief. Kübler Ross’ observations came from years of working with terminally ill people. The five stages of grief are as follows: Denial. One can pretend that the loss they’ve experienced isn’t real. It may simply be too overwhelming to process and acknowledge at that moment. Anger. Feelings of anger can mask other emotions that you may be carrying at that moment. The anger may [...]

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5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

5 Ways to Remember to Pray as a Teen

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:24+00:00November 9th, 2023|Christian Counseling For Teens, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Life as a teen is incredibly busy and full. Between home life, school, work, friendships, and sports, teens can feel like they are being pulled in a thousand directions. As a teen, it is common to struggle with fitting in things you know are important, but more so, it is important to remember to pray. This is especially true when it comes to prayer. Whether you grew up praying or prayer is new to you, it is normal that you want to find a way to make your relationship with God something that feels comfortable and natural for you. This may mean it looks different than the way your parents or friends do things. As you explore and discover how you want to connect with God, consider how often you talk to Him. Is it something that comes easily? Do you have regular prayer time or conversation with God? Do you struggle to fit prayer into your life? No matter how you answer those questions, you can always learn new ways to connect with God. The best thing to do is to make it simple. Try new things and see how they feel. If you want to incorporate prayer into your life more, here are some things you can try. Set a reminder. You can set a reminder on your phone or watch to pray at a certain time every day. Sometimes things just get busy, and people forget to pray. Setting a reminder can help you remember to check in and talk to God. Pair it with something. You can connect prayer with something you already do. For example, you can pray every time you brush your teeth. Brushing your teeth is the trigger that reminds you to pray. Since you already do this, it is more likely [...]

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Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Words for Life: Training Your Brain for Mental and Emotional Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:38+00:00August 28th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Words are powerful. When we rehearse them, we experience them forming reality as what we speak comes into being. It may not be surprising, as we are created in God’s image. He made us able to imitate Him and experience the authority of impacting our world with our words. If He spoke and saw, then we must consider the weight of what we speak, realizing that it will also impact what we see and experience and our emotional health as a result. Our brains are responsive. They will capture the messages we program and give us an output that aligns with whatever we continue to say. We tend to focus on the glaring negative messages over the positives. God factored this into the makeup of our brains. This is why He has advocated for us to savor His Word in all of our days, for the entirety of our lives (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). For this reason, we have to be intentional about disconnecting from the negative messages and the havoc they wreak on our mental and emotional health. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. – Deuteronomy 6:6-7, ESV The Brain and Belief Negative words and limiting beliefs will chip at our souls, leaving a void that influences our perception of ourselves, others, and sometimes even God. The words we meditate on infiltrate every area of our lives. They can either pull us down or elevate us into all that God has planned for us that we don’t yet realize. Our enemy is counting on us to remain downtrodden [...]

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Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Easy Ways to Have More Fun in Your Life

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T15:05:48+00:00August 10th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

When life is busy fun tends to get pushed down to the bottom of the list. This is even truer when you are going through a hard time or struggling. People push fun aside to deal with whatever situation they are facing, to handle hard emotions, to get things done, or even because it seems frivolous. But fun is an important part of your wellness, and it’s easier than you think. “When people are having actual fun, they report feeling focused and present, free from anxiety and self-criticism. They laugh and feel connected, both to other people and to their authentic selves.” – Catherine Price During seasons of busyness or challenge, it would be helpful to feel this way. Imagine whatever you are facing right now and how you feel. Now imagine it: Feeling focused and present. With less anxiety. Void of self-criticism. With laughter. Feeling connected to others. Feeling connected to your true self. Doesn’t that sound like the way you want to feel, especially in a hard or busy time of your life? You may not feel like you have time or space for fun in your life, but there are simple ways you can incorporate more fun to help you feel better. It won’t necessarily fix the problem you face or change everything about how you feel. But it can help. Here are some easy ways to incorporate more fun into your life (even when it feels impossible): Create something. You don’t have to be an artist to create. As people made in God’s image, you have innate creativity within you. That may be artistic or it may be in another way. Just consider things you can do that are creative. Think about different outlets, different ideas, and different ways you can create. Some ideas are: [...]

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The Dangers of Stress Eating

The Dangers of Stress Eating

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T10:23:31+00:00June 23rd, 2023|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

When you think of stress eating, does it seem harmless? You are not hurting anyone, right? All you are trying to do is manage your anxiety and stress with a much less dangerous substance than drugs or alcohol. But is that true? Is eating excess food a harmless activity? Is there a danger to stress eating? Effects of stress eating Overconsuming food and eating foods lacking in nutrients can take a toll on the body. Everything from your digestive system to your emotional state can change when stress eating becomes a habit. This habit feeds off your thoughts and emotions until stress eating becomes an impossible urge to overcome. But you can overcome stress eating with counseling and techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The following is a list of common conditions that can develop from stress eating and eating disorders. High blood pressure. For the body to digest food, blood rushes from other areas to the stomach to process the food and store excess as fat. This process naturally lowers your blood pressure unless the meal contains sodium and added sugars. This combination raises blood pressure and increases heart rate. When more fat is stored, you increase your risk of weight gain, and the extra weight will raise your blood pressure. High blood pressure for long periods can damage the arteries, heart, and kidneys. High cholesterol. Fatty deposits in your arteries can form clots when you have high cholesterol. These clots reduce blood flow in the blood vessels and break off, traveling to the lungs or brain. You can suffer a heart attack or stroke from high cholesterol. Check with your physician about the likelihood of you developing high cholesterol. Family history, genetics, and past and current behaviors can contribute to the condition. Diabetes. Although Type I diabetics [...]

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